I’m still trying to figure out what this month was and what it was supposed to be. I wrote previously about authenticity and conflict in relationships, about perspectives in missions, about a crazy pace of life, and about an experience encountering two prostitutes. The struggle may have been obvious from the tone-shift in my writing the past month, or maybe you too have been trying to keep. moving. forward.
I don’t know what to make of this month for myself, much less how to communicate those ideas through writing.
This month was hard for our team. I’ve had other months on the race that were personally demanding and challenging, but this felt like the first time that we all struggled. We struggled to find direction and motivation. We struggled with communication. We struggled with humility and submission. We struggled with being proactive and creative with our time. We struggled to see our purpose. We struggled with spiritual disciplines. We struggled with our attitudes. We struggled. I say these things with a heavy heart.
During the month, I was able to facetime with a spiritual mentor of mine from the states. The conversation was fairly brief, and left me with no time to tell her everything that had been bad or hard or confusing or dark or heavy about the month. Instead, I got to hear about what the Lord was doing in her, pray with her, and be refreshed by her joy.
After getting off the phone with her, I realized that I wasn’t able to quickly recall or share about the good the Lord was doing. The mental list of difficulties was well-accessed, but I was much less in tune with the triumphs. It reminded me of the psalms — “tell of the great works of the Lord!” I come from a long spiritual tradition of people purposefully recalling the good deeds of the Lord, and knew I needed to practice it myself. I decided to write a “Thailand psalm” to describe and recount the goodness of God that I witnessed in Phuket, Thailand this month.
My Thailand Psalm:
Oh God, you are my God.
You lead me where I would otherwise never go
And you give me direction and strength.
My mind so quickly forgets your good works and the goodness of your heart
But God! You are the God who inspires my heart with birthday songs for new friends we meet in the bars.
When we sought you on behalf of our brothers and sisters who were tired from working every day, you filled our minds with scripture, our cards with encouragement, and their hands with baked goods. Yum!
You are the God who led us through dreams and visions, through songs and prayers, even when we were in a land that sacrifices to demon-gods on gold pillars and elephant statues.
When we purposed in our hearts to return evil with good and sarcasm with genuine speech, you filled our mouths with gentle words of kindness. When we wanted to burst in frustration, you gave us a small toilet room in which to calm down.
You are the God who always filled our stomachs. Whether we cried from Thai spiciness or from delight of eating pizza, you always cared for us and our bellies.
When we were stuck in a dark place of complaining and apathy, we did not know how to climb out. We couldn’t do it! You un-lodged us and gave us a new start.
As we missed home, you provided for us a family from our own country. You gave us new siblings! We got to be big sisters to many, and we loved it.
God, our God. Remind us ever of your good works and your good, good heart. Show your loving kindness to our enemies, and to those who don’t know you yet.
Your love heals us, delivers us, frees us, and strengthens us. All praise to you, God of Love! God who is light in the darkness and strength to our souls!
———————————————–
I move forward into month 7 asking God to continually remind me of his good works. May I, like the psalmists, be quick to recall and declare the good works of God!
