By my (somewhat skewed) calculations, this week (ish) marks the one third point in the Race. That’s right, T Squad: one third of the way done. How crazy is that??
One third of the way in and I finally feel like I’m starting to be myself and at the same time I feel like I’m a completely different person, too. For someone obsessed with paradoxes, this works out perfectly fine.
It’s taken four months for our team to start being the family that we’re supposed to be. One of my favorite jokes right now (and that’s saying something because now I actually have an arsenal to choose from) is, “remember that first night in India?” That first night in India we sat around for about three hours staring at each other in a dimly lit room in a basement, each of us thinking, what am I doing here and how possible is it to catch the next plane back to the States? Flash forward to Moldova, where we dog pile on the bed rather than walk across the room to a chair, we have no problem calling things out in each other because we’re saying at receiving it out of love (for real this time), and we’re all learning not only to live with one another but to actually enjoy each other’s company. We’re staying up late giggling and blasting Avril Lavigne (yes, moms, your little boys have grown up only to be plunged back into adolescence), bonding over terribly cooked meals (including but not limited to pasta that ended up getting chucked in the garden under cover of night, potatoes that burned because we didn’t feel like watching them, mushy cornbread that seemed suspiciously like ugali, and the ever classic egg sandwiches that we’ve eaten at least once a day for the last two months) and praying with and for each other (frequently laughing multiple times mid prayer and yelling, “shutup, stomach!” or realizing a team mate is creeping on you from the other side of the door).
One of the craziest moments for me happened yesterday, when I was sitting on the bed with Kacie and Vinny and she mentioned that we were probably getting split up next month during team changes and we all started crying. It was in that moment that I realized God had answered all of my prayers, and I now need to go back to questioning why I pray for the things I do.
First of all, He had changed my heart. Most of my family and friends can attest to the fact that I did not like my team and I was really only sticking it out because I knew team changes would come soon (though our squad was the first squad in history to have them pushed back). Now I look forward to quiet mornings with Dave Dad, doing Katarina’s hair, walks with Faithy, egg sandwich jokes with Grandpa Vinnay, late nights with Kacie Mom. As I started seeing this team the way God sees them- as real people- I was able to remember that I myself am a real person, too, and that realization reminded me to BE me: Natasha, rightful heir to the Russian throne (and currently awaiting my real parents, the King and the Queen, to come pick me up and take me home… or at least donate generously to my support account).
Secondly, I had prayed for anything to change, and now it looks like that’s a distinct possibility… but now it’s the last thing in the world I want. In retrospect, maybe I should have picked one thing to pray- either change my heart or get me out, because now I’m in a royal bind and I don’t know what to do.
But here we are: I know how to pray and I know how to love. I’ve seen God answer so many prayers and I’ve seen Him work in the craziest of ways. Team changes are coming and that’s ok, because He’s going to present and active and work all things together for His glory (and that’s why we’re here, isn’t it?).
(squishing into the tiny Moldovan kitchen for a late dinner: Kacie, Vinny, Katherine, Faith, Dave)
