Tonight, I was sitting on my bed (in the homeless shelter aka favorite place on the planet), minding my own business when Loretta burst in with a mug and pointed her spoon at me.
This is not a joke.
However, rather than entertain thoughts of total insanity, I continued to monitor the downloading process on my laptop.
The next thing I know, April is barging in yelling, "where did the cookie dough come from??"
Busted.
With a quick move to hide my own mug of contraband, I innocently stare at her and plead ignorance. April, however, is not one to be fooled… she had just deposited peanut butter silk pie, the remnants of a birthday celebration, on top of said cookie dough.
Within minutes, my mug (now emptied of cookie dough) was refilled with pie, and April and Loretta and I resumed our positions on our beds and I continued downloading the workout plans for the morning. At this point, Loretta looked up and said, "you're great fun, Natalie."
"Why," I asked, "because I encourage high calorie evening activities?"
"No," she replied, "because you know how to have fun."
At this point April jumped in and added, "and you're not crazy to work out with- you don't make me feel terrible for not being hardcore enough. And you're not going to run five miles just because you're eating dessert right now."
I'm not going to run five miles just because I'm eating dessert.
Well, that's a new one.
True, tomorrow I'm planning on running with Charlotte. And soon Andrea and I are going to start the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred (if it ever downloads, which may be a deciding factor). But neither of these events have been planned because I'm currently sitting on a somehwat ostentatiously colored bed, giggling with girls over nothing, enjoying these last few weeks we have together before going our separate ways, possibly forever, scooping cookie dough and silk pie into our mouths.
True, most of the girls on the squad have gained weight this year. Diets heavy in carbs (they're cheapest), months low on exercise (it's harder to do in the third world than you might imagine) and eating based on emotions (ok, that's the guys, too) have all contributed to the added Race weight.
But here's the thing:
We aren't defined by the numbers.
My worth is not tied to how flat my stomach is or the gap between my thighs (which, by the way, I kissed goodbye months ago). I know I can say it all day long, but now it's time for the next step:
My happiness isn't defined by the numbers, either.
I know that I'm "fearfully and wonderfully made," I can tell anyone around me that I'm created in the image of God, exactly the way He wanted me to be, beautiful in His sight…
…but the morning after a late night cookie dough / peanut butter silk pie attack, I'd be the first one out the door on the way to the lake, ignoring the sun as it rose and focusing instead on the fat jiggling around my waist.
That's certainly one way to live, but that's not how I'm going to live anymore.
I'm not going to run five miles just because I had some dessert. That's who I was, but not who I am anymore. I'll go running with Charlotte tomorrow because I enjoy it, because we're friends, because we're exploring this island city we're living on for just a few more weeks, because running is way more fun than sitting on facebook during a monsoon.
When I get home, I'm going to eat healthy and take care of my body, but I'm not going to obsess over it. There are too many other things I want to do with my life to waste my days in front of a mirror, sucking and squeezing and artfully rearranging every last piece of fabric to conceal stray flab.
The men at the homeless shelter here don't care if I'm a 4 or a 14; they're just grateful for the hot meal.
Tonight we had some sugar, tomorrow we may start the shred.
Our purpose: a few laughs, enough energy to get us through month 11 (because we desperately need it), and if we lose a pound or two, so be it.
But if we don't, that's ok, too.
Because I am surrounded by some beautiful women right now- none of them supermodel skinny, all of them priceless treasures in their own bodies.
Cliche? A bit.
But true? You better believe it.
T Squad descending on Malaysia for month 11
