This just in: I am FULLY FUNDED. Thank you!
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My dad always told me not to quit until things were easy.
Let’s be honest- it’s not when the going is smooth that people want to bail. It’s when the boat hits the choppy waters, when you’re practically drowning already, that you want to jump ship. And, if you really knew me, you’d know that I am, at heart, a runner: I will run away from any situation I can.
When I got to India (month 1), I was a total wreck. Some of that came across in my blogs or prayer requests, the squad got to see me crying, my journal was filled with less- than- devotional- worthy prayers. The runner within me had laced up her sneakers and pulled her hair into a tight ponytail, ready to bolt out the door and to the nearest airport- anywhere but here. I emailed my dad to let him know I was coming home, and he responded exactly the way I knew he would:
Natalie, you have been ordained by God for amazing things. I don’t know why God brought you halfway around the world. All I know is that it was not for you to come straight back home (mentally or physically). I know that you are suffering and that it is hard. But, I know that you can handle it and when the time comes, you’ll know what to do. For some people, hardship destroys them. But for people like you, struggle makes you stronger and more conformed to the image of Christ… I’m not saying that sometime in the future it won’t make sense to change course. However for now, don’t worry about it, keep your head in the game, let the Holy Spirit direct your path and live in the moment… I believe with all my heart that you will be a major impact player in God’s Army.
Thanks, Popsicles.
Hugging Rachael with a pack– not as easy at looks.
So I stayed. And over the last seven months, I’ve changed more than I thought I ever would. I learned lessons that I thought I had mastered, but found out that there’s more to mastery than quoting a Bible verse. Some of them are:
Endurance– just stick with it, because “this too shall pass.”
Attitude– bad ones are a sign that we don’t trust God. When you grumble and complain, you’re essentially telling the Lord of the universe that your plans are better and He’s messing up His job.
Sustaining Grace– it’s not possible to cheerfully persevere on our own. Luckily, we have the Spirit of God within us to sustain us in our moments of need.
Trust– I don’t need to have it all together, all figured out or planned, because God does.
Love– I could spend the next ten pages here, but I started understanding what love is (and isn’t), how to give it, and perhaps most importantly, I began to receive it as well.
Change– it happens. Life is full of hellos AND goodbyes. People leave or change or die. Not loving them because you might lose them is immature, but loving knowing the pain is coming is hard. Oh, and with every change that happens, every lesson learned must be re-walked out. Awesome.
Words– they’re powerful, and not only do I need to watch what I say, I need to be intentional about speaking words of life.
Cravings– if they’re not being filled by God, they’re not being filled. I’m really good at turning to food for comfort or celebration when in reality what I really need is to draw closer to the Lord.
Submission– “Your kingdom come, Your will be done” isn’t a catchy phrase, it needs to be the basis of my prayers and the way I live my life.
Team Relentlessly Lost learning to love in Nepal
Learning how to budget with Suzi, Erin and Faith in Romania.
Truly, this is just a sampling of all of the things that I’ve learned. I’ve heard stories (and seen the lives) of people who were orphaned or abandoned or abused or tortured, people with nothing and no one, who should be hopeless but have put their hope in the Risen Savior. I’ve held dying babies, hugged lepers, spun orphans around in the air, loved on broken old women. I’ve preached and prayed and paid and stayed for the cause of Christ. None of this would have happened if I had left early, quit when it got hard, given into my selfish desires for a soft bed and a hot shower, for clothes that make me feel good instead of a message that makes men free.
Now I’m at a crossroads again. By the end of this weekend, I need to have all of my support in. It’s about $1,700 to go. And not just me- my whole squad needs several thousand dollars, or a whole bunch of us will be going home. We're praying for miracles to happen and for the Lord to work through people to give financially to keep us on the field.
It’s not easy being here, but it’s where we’ve been called, and we’re resolved to see it through. Sure, there are days when I want to run, moments when I severely question if it’s all worth it. But I know better than to quit when it’s hard (because it’s hard), and I’m not coming home unless God specifically tells me to.
A Russian Bible and the Moldovan flower of choice
We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. Hebrews 10:39
Preaching Easter Sunday in Moldova (with translator Andrei)
Holding an orphan at a Care Point in Swaziland.
It's not perfect, but when is it ever? We just have to walk forward into tomorrow, perhaps a little bruised and battered, but with purpose and resolve and the desire to see the sun rise on a life that is willing to be transformed.
— Thoughts on staying from India (month 1)
Taking a dance break in Hungary
Amy Carmichael, the missionary to India who suffered great physical afflictions, being bedridden for many years, wrote this: "But as the Master shall the servant be, and pierced are Thy feet that lead me. Can he have travelled far, who has no wound, no scar?"
This is how I'll feel if I come home early and don't get to rock this rain jacket. 😉
