The title pretty much says it all- no, this isn't a joke but no, I haven't left yet.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am going back to Africa.
For those of you who have been in any sort of contact with me since being home, you are probably well aware that being home has been a struggle.
Actually, I think struggle bus is an understatement… Do they make struggle cruise ships?
I've been struggling to figure out what I'm doing here, struggling to understand where my place is, struggling to figure out how to move on, struggling to explain to people here that, for me, there's no going back to what once was.
And yet, somehow, the Lord was silent, and I continued to plog* along, trying to be faithful with what I had, but also missing the part of my heart I had left with the little babies and tiny grandmothers.
One night I was making the long drive home and I found myself in tears. I had had several different conversations that day touching on all sorts of different issues of injustice and pain, and my heart was again raw and bloody.
"I can't do this anymore," I whispered softly into the darkness, "my heart can't handle this much."
"Natalie," I heard the still small voice I'd missed for so many weeks, "Have you forgotten so much? You don't have to handle anything- these are My children, not yours.
Every child abandoned by his mother… belongs to Me.
Every girl who wanders the night… belongs to Me.
Every young man who convinces himself I don't exist… belongs to Me.
Every silly, self absorbed teenage girl… belong to Me.
Every overworked man or forgotten old lady… do you still not see? They are Mine.
You can never love them as much as I do, so stop this nonsense and remember that it's My heart that will love them- will love them more perfectly than yours ever could."
They say going on the Race changes you, but I think sometimes people forget that going isn't some magical trick that makes you come home perfect. I'm still learning (and relearning), messing up and falling at the foot of the Cross and receiving grace anew every single day.**
Soon after that refresher course on the Lord's heart, I called up a sweet girl from my sister squad (Joy), and the next thing I know…. I'm going to South Sudan.
It's not going to be forever; it's actually only just for Christmas break. It's less of a move and more of a planning & learning trip. I say I want to open an orphanage… What does that take? What are the things this particular orphanage is doing well, and where can they improve? What barriers do I need to be aware of before I start? What's it really like to be mom to 100 kids… every single day?
SO… what exactly is going to happen?
Great question. All I know is I'm going to be hanging out at Dreamland, helping any way I can and learning as much as possible.
Want to get involved? There are a ton of ways- this is a pretty big group of kids with a lot of needs. please be praying for them and for Joy and me as we get ready to go. If you want specific requests or have an idea of how you'd like to get involved (Want to commit to prayer? Want to be a pen pal? Want to send stuff to the orphanage? Want to donate money? Want me to come talk to a group?), feel free to Contact Me.
Cool bonus: I get to stop by and see a former squadmate on my way home! Lauren is in Kenya working with Cure International. Check out all the great stuff happening there- it's a medical ministry (maybe I'll apply there if I ever graduate with a nursing degree?). 🙂
While I'm there I'm hoping to check out what The Kenya Initiative is up to and hopefully visit Naomi's Village.
Enjoy digging through all these links… I'll start updating as I get a better feel for what's going on!
Can't wait!
Meanwhile…. check out this fun video that I've had on repeat the last few days from Sevenly. 🙂
GIVE
*Is that even a word??
** Keep that in mind, ye of future Race tendencies- YOU WILL NOT COME BACK PERFECT. Or a super Christian. Nor will you have a red cape flapping in the wind. Not to deter you from going, I'm just managing expectations up front.
