With about a month to go until I'm back in the States- perhaps a little worse for wear but certainly full of more stories than most people will ever want to sit through- I’m beginning to reflect on my time out here on the field.
Something that haunts me is every prayer I ever prayed.
We prayed a lot this year- more, I’m willing to wager, than many people do in their entire lives. We would have nights of intercession where we would pray for hours on end, day after day. We would go on prayer walks, covering a village or a temple or even a strip of bars in prayers. When we heard news of any variety, we would stop and offer prayers of thanksgiving or petition.
Frequently, we would pray over the people we encountered, usually in the masses, praying a quick 45 seconds over these nameless people that would press up against us, begging us to lay our hands on their children and elderly, convinced perhaps that because we were white the Lord would hear us better.
Nights like that always made me uneasy.
Who am I to assume spiritual responsibility for hundreds, perhaps thousands of people whose faces I can’t even remember, whose names I’ll never know?
How do I know what they need?
What if, in laying my hands on them, they assume that God will answer their secret prayers, and when He doesn’t, what if they blame me, or worse, blame God?
Here’s the thing.
There are plenty of people whose names and faces I do know- know well– whose prayer requests aren’t hidden from me. Whatever may happen to the masses of people I’ve prayed for is something only the Lord knows and only He can control. But as for the people in my life, there is a lot I can control.
I can be steadfast in my prayers for them.
I can follow up and see how the Lord is answering those prayers, perhaps adjusting my petitions when necessary.
I can pray without ceasing, trusting that the Lord not only has the power to do the miraculous, but also that He does and will.
I can stop feeling guilty over situations I can no longer change and be proactive about ensuring there is no reason for me to feel guilt with my future actions.
I don’t know if there will be anything that comes out of every prayer I ever prayed this year, but there have certainly been lessons learned, convictions formed, and lives changed by the power that prayer unlocks.
And that’s good enough for me.
