CHAPTER ONE: About Me

I’ve always known who Jesus was. As far back as I can remember, He has always been in the picture. My parents grew up in Mexico. My dad came from a meek life of shining shoes on the streets to survive and my mom was well off and never really needed for much. They both grew up knowing about God but later grew in relationship with God.

My parents got married and had three perfect children. The beginning was rough for them, from what I was told, but later the blessing rained on us with my mom being recruited to work at Epcot in Florida. Once in the States my parents worked long hard hours to set my brothers and I up for a successful life and the American dream.

We had the best childhood any kid could ask for.

 

Imagine Disney World, Baseball & boardwalk, Sea World, and Busch Gardens to name a few, as your backyard playground. Elaborate birthday parties with all of your closest friends and family was the norm and yearly cross country vacations were a staple. My brothers and I were to be a part of every sport team available and every church function possible. This set the standard of being well rounded and accomplished.

 

After all, we were here for the american dream and pursuit of success. We did it after all! I was privileged to not only be on amazing sports teams but I also learned to play instruments. I learned other languages, traveled the world, graduated with honors, led all types of groups ranging from dance teams to bible studies. I managed multi million dollar stores and contracts. I had my car and license at 16. I think my parents did a pretty perfect job of giving us the absolute best of themselves. We were perfect right? Well, not so much.

 

I always struggled with identity but only now do I have the vocabulary for it. The fact is that I had a great example of what it looked like to be a great success with some friends but I also grew up with distractions of what it looked like to not work hard and just have fun with others. I knew God and thought a lot about scripture and loved learning about the Bible and asking questions. When we became more involved in becoming Messianic, I gained a new level of understanding I had never had before. I always pushed to do my best to learn as much as possible and make my parents proud in everything I did.

 

That was the American dream and I was on the right track. The problem was that it was the hard track. I would get tired from time to time of being “good” and wanted to go out. Have fun! I was young and wanted my freedom. I was making my parents proud but I struggled with “what about me?” lies of the enemy and distractions from my peers.

 

From high school to about 33 years of age I had plenty of encounters with the Holy Spirit however, they were all emotional and not personal. That meant I would “rebel” and simply do life as I wanted and then “repent” and do what Scripture said I should be doing.

 

My lack of personal relationship with my creator was the reason for this yo yo. At 25 I had decided I need to start figuring things out. I looked back and felt I had checked all the necessary boxes to make my parents proud and now I was going to do things my way. I was going to live life as I saw fit and I did.

From about 25 to 33 was a roller coaster of perfect storms for my family and myself. If I had an identity issue before, it was worse now. My identity came from – if I had a good job or not. It came from-  if I was a leader or not. It came from – money . It came from -boys. It came from – everyone and everything but God.

 

To forget my struggles or to celebrate my victories, I began to hang out with questionable people doing a lot of questionable things. I also began to date. Eventually, I was so under water with all the things I had done that now, I was the questionable person. With the accomplishment based mentality, I understood I was a failure. I had messed up so much and thrown away everything my parents ever taught me and worked so hard for. I did everything that was wrong.

So I shrugged my shoulders believing that I was a complete  failure but in my pride I pushed them back thinking I would have to just deal with what I was and find success again the best way I knew how.

 

Well, that was a struggle. I did everything in my own hardheadedness. I had failure after failure. Finally, I said “God I can’t anymore”  after an accident at work that left me not walking for a few months. Then I began to really search for God and I wanted to change. But then enters a boy.

 

I met a boy at work. He pursued me and I enjoyed the attention. What was supposed to be a simple distraction became the biggest detour of my life.

From the beginning I knew I shouldn’t  even entertain the idea but I did. No matter how much my parents warned me I was going to believe all this boys promises and who was I to demand more anyway. I wasn’t worth much anyway. So much so, that four years passed and I was now married. Remember those perfect storms of my family? They were all around the same time. Back to back. From divorce to losing a child to moving. All the distractions fell right in line.

I think my parents were so spent with us “perfect kids” that they finally just gave it all to God.

Fast forward, now close to my second year of Marriage and I was in love with God more than ever. I started attending The Voice at Faith Assembly and for the first time in my life I saw people my age who really loved God and lived it out.

This changed my marriage by opening a spiritual realm that I wasn’t anticipating. The more I prayed for my marriage and my husband the more we grew apart. He was a great guy and it was easy to see why I married him but all the promises soon where left unfulfilled.  Then He left and issued me a divorce. In that devastation came my salvation.

It was the grace of God and redemption that I now stand, only one year later, in complete joy.

 

2017 was the best thing that could have happened to me. In my sorrow I died to myself and finally let God lead. It took a devastation that massive to get my attention. The sanctuary I built with God was so real. I dove head first into His presence daily, hours on end. At church I had community. At home I had my family. In my quiet time I began to know who I was and who I was called to be. I took everything and everyone off the pedestal and put God on the throne. Relentless for more I begged  God to open up doors for me to be here and He did.

I am amazed at how he has taken me full circle and how a year ago I was ashamed of who I was to now being proud of who I am, not because of what I’ve done or accomplished but because I finally gave up! I gave up control. I gave up pride.  I gave up being right. I gave up my opinion. Now I don’t care. I’m so sure of My King and everything He says He is. I am so unsure of myself as a human that I stand proud only because He places His crown of Salvation on me. I am a Queen because He crowned me with love and compassion and mercy and grace. Only because He reigns as the King of my life am I worthy of anything.

 

It sounds harsh but it’s the best truth there is. I don’t trust myself without Him and that’s the best place I could ever be in. I prefer His way over my way any day. It took me the long way to get here but I’m here. It took me making my parents cry but I’m here. It took me making a mess of myself and slamming my head in the dirt pile in front of me but I’m here. It took my heart being gashed open from a devastating divorce that left wounds so deep they are still healing, but I’m here.  It took me laying down all my pride, all my plans, all my ideas of what my life should look like by now and putting him on the throne. So as I sit here on this couch in Georgia at 2:30am. I can’t help but be happy that I’m not in charge of my life. God is. I have never been so content with myself and confident in who I am and what I mean to My Creator then I am now. I often say “I’m His favorite” and wow do I mean it. My Redeemer walked on water, commanded the earth to obey Him, He was rejected and spit on, anguished to the point of death, disfigured at death but then Crushed death with His Hands, resurrected with All Glory and now sits on His throne and now calls me Queen. He’s a force to be reckoned with and I’m glad He’s all mine. I’m not perfect by any means but I am being perfected- Perfecting my fruits of the Spirit, obedience and perfecting the gifts each gave me.  I’m all kinds of “under construction” but praise God, I’m not where I was before!

I praise God that He uses all things for His glory! He gave me so much back when I gave Him all the broken pieces. He still does. I can’t wait to keep giving Him my life and seeing what He gives me in return!

 

This journey has been so hard and I’ve been saying “I’m going home” every time I had a hard time sleeping or if there is a lack of commodities. So I’m still learning to be faithful but praise God that He always is no matter what!

 

Please know I’m still fundraising and if you’d like to partner with me please donate by clicking the link on the home- page. I only need $5,511 left to go in 4 months. Please keep me being fully funded in your prayers.

 

I love you all

 

-Nashiely Aguilar

P.S. I almost titled this “Don’t Marry Him” but then maybe the young lady that needed to read this wouldn’t have. So feel free to share this to that young lady you know is worth more than she even knows. May all I went through not be in vain but to help someone else! #maymyceilingbeyourfloor

Also, one day I asked God “why he left?” And I felt Him say “because he had the guts to do what I asked you to do a long time ago!” (Before marriage). I think that’s important enough to share.