My last Lesotho blog
Our last week in Lesotho is coming to an end. I’m not ready to say goodbye to the kids yet It’s going to be a hard goodbye. I have loved walking them to school every morning and playing in the afternoons. Last night when we washed dishes afterward we always say goodbye to the kids and house mother. They have finally learned my name this last week and hearing them say it is so cute! In the evenings during dinner my team and I wind up talking about the kids as if they are our own. I hate to leave them so soon! Something that helps is knowing that there is a team coming right after us. We leave at 8am on Saturday and they arrive at 8pm. So I know the kids will continue to be loved by another World Race team after we are gone. It is also really cool because since we are just giving the kids their new Bibles this week the new team coming could help them learn to read them.
The kids received their Bibles yesterday and it was the sweetest thing seeing them look through the Bibles after receiving them. They were so excited! Watching the house mother dance and shout for joy as we called each child up for their Bible was so heart warming to see. I loved watching her excitement for the kids. As they got their Bibles and sat down some of them were hugging their Bibles. I’m so thankful that each of them have the Word of God now. It is going to make a big difference in their lives! We made them all a bookmark for their Bibles with scriptures in English and Sesotho to help them know where to start reading. I will post another blog with pictures and video of distributing the Bibles, hopefully, Wi-Fi allowing. I’d also like to post a picture blog of the month here so again Wi-Fi allowing, so we’ll see. Last night after washing dishes Bereng, one of the older boys waved for me to come over to where he was and sit down. I walked over to him and he was looking through his Bible. He asked me how to read a verse and what it meant. So we talked about it for a minute then he continued to show me a couple psalms and that there is an old testament then I showed him the new testament. And then Molise, one of the other boys, pulled his Bible out of his backpack and said he was going to read it in school tomorrow. I am so excited for them!
All the kids hold a special place in my heart. I’m so thankful for this month, it’s been my favorite month so far! These kids are amazing and the staff is great too, being able to serve them here was a pleasure.
In a couple days we’ll be traveling to debrief. That’s crazy! Already our second debrief. Two girls from our squad are being raised up as our squad leaders. We also will be having team changes. I will no longer be part of Wild Fires =(. Also some roles will change and we’ll be getting new team leaders and who knows I might not be treasurer anymore. That’s all I know at this point. I don’t know where ministry will be in Swaziland or what it will be like or what team I’ll be a part of. Going into debrief with a lot of unknowns. But I know whatever it holds God put together so I’m ready.
I want to talk a little about growth with my team Wild Fires since we will no linger be a team. I want to share my struggles and celebrations. Going into team Wild Fires I wasn’t so sure. I was thinking I don’t know these girls very well and we’re all so different. But I knew this was part of the World Race process. But my attitude wasn’t exactly great going into this community. It was a fearful, uncertain, just do what you have to do attitude. I was thinking I don’t know how to be my goofy self because they’re pretty serious it seems. Just stay quiet and be comfortable to live with. So I struggled to connect for months. I only started connecting last month and this month. That’s crazy and unfortunate. My team is awesome and brought me out of this attitude. Just took a while. Because I was thinking poor me, I don’t fit in, I don’t know how to relate with these people. Instead of actually trying to get to know people and build relationships. It’s not about fitting in. I learned that fitting in isn’t what I needed to do. My teammates told me I needed to contribute who I am to the team and ministry. Because I saw things differently and it gave a different insight and that being different meant I had something different to offer and that is a good thing.
But I was stuck thinking I don’t fit in. So I isolated a lot and that is very unhealthy in a close community like this. I have finally got past thinking of myself negatively and realizing I do have something to offer just like everyone else. Am I walking confidently in this every day? Not yet but I’m on my way there. This has been the hugest growth through living in this community.
I’ve also started stomping ugly comparison into the ground. I didn’t realize it was such a huge part of me until this community. I wouldn’t have noticed it hugeness if it wasn’t for this community.
Another huge thing is using my voice. My team pushed me in this a lot! They helped me speak up and say things confidently. And recently I’ve learned to even use my humor within my team. And that has been fun. They pushed me to lead worship in Panama and since then I’ve felt comfortable singing out loud without holding back. I also was pushed in acting a little. I wasn’t feeling the acting in a skit one day so they did these crazy exercises to loosen me up to be comfortable acting unashamed. They were having me do all kinds of crazy silly things and it lead to my impersonation of a cow, something I’m quite confident in. My cow language is very fluent. We all got down on all fours and mooed like cows. It was payback for all the crazy things they were doing. But it worked! I like skits now. Am I good at acting or singing I don’t know. But I’m more comfortable doing both. And I have my team to thank. Also I feel comfortable voicing my opinion and insight. That has also helped me learn how to voice my opinion and insight.
I’ve also learned to be genuine. Don’t just act like a friend or good team player or missionary. Actually be those things with sincerity. If something is bothering you don’t just act like it’s okay. Get it out in the open and reconcile before things that are little turned into huge things that cause gator tears and long talks about lies.
Talking about lies. Breaking down lies in my life has been huge in this team. My team has helped me break past the long deep rooted lies I’ve been believing for years. And the new lies that satan throws at me in times of weakness. They have helped me recognize they were lies and then tear them down. I’ve found a lot of freedom and I’m continuing to grow in this.
These are just a few really important things that Wild Fires has helped me grow in, there’s much more.
Coming into this month looked a lot different than leaving this month. When we started it wasn’t exactly the smoothest sailing for the team. We had some growing still happening in the team and some sharpening happening. We have grown a lot through this month. In the beginning we made some goals for our team. The goals we made together were laughter, not being defensive, putting ministry first, and freedom. We revisited these goals yesterday and I was amazed at how far we had come since our first week here. We have laughed so much together, breaking through fear of being ourselves and just being able to be our silly, goofy, sassy, funny, punny selves. I have found freedom in this because the first 3 months I was very reserved and not comfortable being myself in fear like I spoke of before, because I didn’t realize just how fun these ladies are. That had to do with lies I was believing about myself.
But something changed this month and I’ve enjoyed being me and want to be with my team all the time. What has changed for is choosing to not believe the lies and finding freedom in truth. We made the goal of putting ministry first because living on campus we wanted to make sure that we didn’t let each other burn out. We wanted to make sure our ministry switch stayed on. But it turned out a lot easier then we first thought and we love to go outside to be with the kids and that’s the highlight of our days! We have learned to give feedback appropriately to help edify and grow us. We used the wisdom given to us at training camp and are actually edifying one another and giving each other tools to grow. During feedback and interactions with one another we would ask ourselves first, is this edifying, kind, necessary, true, and timely. And that guide helps us think before speaking. We have learned to love one another well and live as a team really well! I love us!
Of course as soon as this happens and we become a happy, healthy, family they decide to do team changes during debrief before Swaziland. I was like really??! We finally are comfortable in this community and enjoying living with one another and now we are getting separated, really guys! But then I thought about it, We’ve grown one another in this season and now we’re comfortable and sharpening and growing isn’t happening as much. So it makes since that it’s time to learn to live inside another team with new personalities that will cause new growth and maturity. I’m going to miss my team a bunch! But I also love the whole squad! So I’m excited to see who God has planned for me to be with in this next season on my race!
Until next time,
God Bless
