I struggle to be confident in myself. I always have. Not in all things but when it comes to stepping up, stepping out, leading anything or initiating anything, I struggle. I have a box of things that have always defined me – the things that come naturally: quiet, follower, people pleaser. Stepping up and out in confidence and boldness is not part of my box, therefore it is hard.
Part of me has always been itching to get out of the box and overcome the struggle. I want to be strong and courageous. I want to step out in faith into God’s great power. As I have grown in my relationship with God, he has given me dreams and visions to act on. On occasion I have successfully stepped out, but when circumstances change and I get uncomfortable, back into the box I go.
The beginning of the World Race sent me further into my box than I had been in a while. The areas where I had finally gotten comfortable stepping out in at home were gone. People no longer knew me. I was with 43 new people and many of them were natural leaders and initiators. Going back to the quiet follower was easy. If something was supposed to happen, I figured there would be plenty of others to get it going.
But the World Race community lifestyle does not allow us to stay in our boxes. It calls each one of us higher and deeper. God calls us each to step up and step out in faith as he gives us unique dreams, passions and visions.
My month in Nepal was great, but I found myself with the desire to go deeper spiritually with my team whether it was a Bible study or devotional time. I waited all month, expecting someone else to get it started before someone finally called me higher. “Naomi, you have the power to initiate it – so why don’t you?”
“Why?” That is the question that became stuck in my mind. Why did I always wait for someone else to initiate? Why could I talk about ideas without following through? Why did I feel a desire to give up the moment I did step out?
Fear. Fear of failure. Fear of making others unhappy. Fear of rejection.
I am afraid of things not going perfectly smooth. I am afraid of being uncomfortable – and making others uncomfortable at the same time. I am afraid others won’t enjoy themselves, or love it as much as I do. I am afraid of being turned down. I am afraid of bothering others. I am afraid others will not want to hang out with me as much as I want to hang out with them. All these fears overwhelm my mind and paralyze me from taking those first confident steps.
But God’s Word is full of truths that have the power to overcome these fears.
Do Not Fear
Over and over in the Bible, God reminds me to not be afraid. He is my all-powerful God and he is always with me.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” [Isaiah 41:10]
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” [John 14:27]
My Identity is in Christ – Not Others
God loves me and cares for me. God chose me and gave me a purpose. God says I am enough. I need to quit looking to the affirmation of others and remember the affirmation I already have from God.
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.” [John 15:16]
“On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” [1 Thessalonians 2:4]
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” [Psalm 139:13-14]
Obedience
God does not call me to success. God calls me to obedience – seeking him and following his commands.
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” [John 14:15]
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” [James 1:22]
Courage in Weakness
God has not made me perfect. I have a lot of faults and weaknesses. But rather than being afraid of my weaknesses, I can embrace them. In Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection she shares that the original meaning of the word courage is to speak one’s mind while sharing all one’s heart. God wants us to cry out to him with our struggles and fears, not try to deal with them on our own.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” [2 Corinthians 12:9-10]
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As I reflect on God’s truth, my fears do not seem as daunting. One of my favorite verses to remember is 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”
I already have a God-given spirit of power, love and self-discipline inside me. If God gives me visions and ideas that glorify him and show his love to the world, it is my responsibility to step into them with confidence. As God shows me my weaknesses, it is my responsibility to be vulnerable with others and have the courage to face them instead of running away.
Whether it is starting an all squad Bible study in India, performing a spoken word in front of 40 people, or just being honest with my teammates about my struggles and doubts, I am working through the process of becoming more confident in myself and in the Lord.
In my weakness, He is strong. In my obedience, his spirit of power shows up. His call on my life is not to stay in a comfortable box. His call on my life is to be confident, honest and trust that I am exactly who God made me to be.
