I am a hardcore…
introvert.
I recently took the (myers briggs) personality test again, only to find out I changed.
INFJ to INFP.
I honestly thought I was pretty cool being part of the rare 2% of infjs… haha but now I must embrace my P. Whatever being a P means…
The more and more I get to know myself, the more and more it freaks me out. Was I always like this? Did I always think this way? Since when was I such a sinner? …. hahaha
Anyways, what I originally wanted to tell my (few) readers was that…
I am an introvert. An 8/10 kind of an introvert. Not that a test should define who I am, but after observing my tendencies, I realized I was much more of an introvert than I thought.
It’s really tiring being an introvert you know. It’s not like I CHOOSE to feel exhausted by humans. It honestly sucks. I love people. I really do. & Sometimes I try REALLY REALLY hard not to get so drained, but by the end of the day, all I want to do is hibernate for the next 10 years.
Despite who we are, and where we are in life, God gives you desires that goes against your own physical/emotional desires. No matter how much I get tired of people and drained by their mere presence, I long for community. We are designed to be a family & this is what my heart will desire despite what my mind and body tells me.
Which leads me to another problem.
Missions.
Sometimes when I think about meeting a whole group of new people… of different races… from all over the world… I internally freak out (too many internal freak outs). Even though I tell everyone how awesome it would be that I get to meet Christians from all over the states, I secretly kind of wish I went alone at times. BUT this is not what God wants, and this is definitely not going to come true. Because this race isn’t meant to be run alone.
So I’m praying that God will mold me to become less of an introvert (i‘m rooting for a 5/10) and emotionally alert and ready to serve… at all times.
A character change is much needed in my life.
In Him, Through Him, & To Him.
Yesterday I told my dad I was going to go on missions for 11 months.
He responds by saying “are you getting swallowed by the christian community?” (In korean of course)
My dads not christian… and I realized I forgot that fact. I felt two emotions when he responded that way.
1. Annoyed. (First reaction) “why he gotta say it like that. Christianity is not some sort of cult. Whatever I dont need his approval. He doesnt have to support me… its not like he ever does.” Haha. You could probably sense some bitterness. Mind you, I was helping him upgrade his phone and his wifes phone atm.
2. Then I thought to myself… hey, atleast he knows what is important in my life. He knows that what I desire and live for isnt the norm. It allows me to share a glimpse of who God is & why I do the things that I do.
Even pre missions is missions…
Getting the opportunity to tell others about my trip has been by far the best way to EV to my non christian friends/family.
I like writing about simple daily conversations that I had throughout the day. Todays conversation was with my roommate.
We were eating dinner when I decided to share some of the things i‘ve been struggling with. It’s weird how some people (even the people who are the closest to you) can’t read your mind. lol I know that sounds weird… but sometimes you just assume that they must just know. THUS communication is so important.
I was telling her petty little heart issues and insecurities I had.
I guess what this post is suppose to be about is…
that.. even though I have all these insecurities, problems, and identity issues, I know that I can find my rest in Christ.
I then asked her… how do people who don’t know Christ deal with life?
like.. where do they find hope?
where do they find security?
where do they find love?
SERIOUSLY HOW DO THEY DEAL WITH LIFE.
& then we came to the conclusion that…
we are so very lucky to be daughters of the most high King.
Praying that more people will be able to know this eternal God who gives everlasting hope and love.
