I’m currently sitting in the living room with the fans blowing at my bug bitten, sun burnt, already sticky body. Week 1 of ministry is officially over.
I already feel like i’ve been here for a 100 days. That may not sound pleasant… but I say this in the best way. I’m pretty sure i’ve done more things these past 8 days then I have ever done in such a short time period. To name a few… I have gone hiking in the amazon, gone to three rivers in the Amazon where I go bitten alive, had a mud bath, went to a swimming pool, taught a pre-kin class… basically in sign language (the universal way to communicate), went door to door evangelism, church encouragement, fell in love with people, cried for all kinds of reasons, had a youth group event, did basketball and soccer ministry (which I sort of love… weirdly), gave my first semi-sermon, and met nearly 50+ beautiful Ecuadorians. I barely started remembering my youth group girls names, which consist of 15 girls… imagine me trying to remember 50+… Pretty much my life has been a beautiful mess.
I probably can write a blog about each event… but today, let me share with you what God is teaching me.
I’ve already been wrecked, humbled, and loved in ways I never knew was possible. Jesus is telling me that I am His and that my identity is in Him alone. I’m learning a lot about myself here. To be honest, I was never really happy with who I was. Nor could I comprehend the potential of who I can be. Once I became Christian I tightly held onto being the daughter of the most High King (which has given me so much peace throughout the years). But theres so much more to that then a title. He can change me from the inside out. Break down walls that keep me from being more like Him. From my childhood to adulthood, there were situations in my life that greatly shaped the person I’ve become. I’m timid and soft-spoken, i’m a people pleaser and a servant, I am sensitive, independent, adventurous, easy going, and lazy. I am an INFP(J) (if you know what that means, then you can kind of get an idea of who I am) I don’t know what it looks like to have a healthy relationship with the people I love, and don’t know how to show affection (although I want to). I put up walls because I am afraid of what people might say or think of me. I live in the fear of man, but also in the fear of God. It is an in between that I have no idea how to overcome.
But this I believe: I believe that God is the perfect potter. I believe that Jesus has given us a new identity. I believe the the Holy Spirit has the power to change. I believe that this year, God will shape me to become someone I never knew that I could be. I am afraid of this change because I hold so tightly to my identities, but I am ready… because in order to love others more, I need to learn to love myself the way Christ sees me and loves me. Chains will be broken & walls will be knocked down because this year God is telling me to be free. Free from the bondage of finding my identity of “coming from a broken family,” my education, job, race, check lists of places i’ve traveled to and my insecurities. Although these all may be blessings, I have decided to stop idolizing them in my life and lay it all down.
What continually rings in my head is what my Philippines teammates and I made our slogan the summer of 2009. To God be the glory, great things he has done. (& is doing and will do)
Ciao,
from a city within the Amazon.
