It’s TIME
It’s been a crazy past couple of weeks. Maybe it’s only been one (ONE WEEK?!) since i’ve blogged, but wow. WOW. God is annoying at times, but so so good. He listens, remembers, and always seems to answer my requests.
If you have read some of my previous posts, you have read countless amounts of times how I have been battling with finding my true identity in Christ. Not living day by day in who I perceive myself to be, but coming to terms with who Jesus says I am. Although Christ has been working with my mind and heart to help me shift my view, I often find myself listing out my insecurities.
Nancy, you’re not any fun.
Nancy, you’re not pretty.
Nancy you’re not smart.
Nancy… you don’t get their humor.
Nancy, you need to be more bold… why are you so timid.
Yes. I know. To those that do know me… you constantly tell me otherwise. Maybe they are lies, and maybe they are just characteristics that I can grow in, but dwelling in this doesn’t do any good for me. I can for a fact say that God has grown me SO much this year already. One being my characteristics. The more and more I seek Christ, the more I see myself finding security in who He is rather than who I am. Through this mind shift, I have grown in love, joy, happiness, patience, and peace for myself and for others. BUT… I am not perfect. God desires to continually mold me to become more and more like Him.
For the past couple of years, I have been asking God to grow me in boldness & confidence.
At the end of India, the Spirit was convicting me of all these random things. With the horrible car accident that had happened to some of my teammates in India, and hearing about the earthquake in Nepal, my mind felt so chaotic and uneasy as we left Bangalore. Why was God making my heart uneasy by challenging me to step out by obeying the convictions I have been feeling? Why were people coming up to me and telling me that I was bold and free & that I will carry that to others? I just wanted to hide in my little hotel room in Hyderabad and just be alone. So I did.
But He still was speaking so loudly to me… even in my hiding place.
(So much for trying to hide from God)
All these scenarios started going through my mind about what it would look like if the leaders would ask me to become a team leader. It was like an internal battle you guys. ALL my insecurities came flooding back.
But He kept reminding me…
You won’t be leading them Nancy…
I will.
You will just listen to me, and do as I say.
& Instantly I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I said OK & told God that if this is what His will is in my life, then the leaders will ask, and I will obey.
& of course…two days later they asked.
& I said ok.
But that’s not the end of it. He chose ME, in all my insecurities to lead a team of amazing men and women of God. As they listed out the people in my group, all I could do was laugh in nervousness and in shock. These people were ALL previous leaders and have SO much wisdom and knowledge of the Lord. It was also a CO-ED team. “ME LEADING MEN??? THEY AREN’T EVEN YOUNGER THAN ME.” “I DON’T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE…” “WAIT, THEY ARE SO DIFFERENT THAN ME…” It was to the point where OTHER people were in shock that we were actually a team.
BUT God is good guys & I can truly say that I am SO excited to be a leader and a servant to these awesome men and women. Since day one, there has not been a day where I haven’t died a little laughing, or have been challenged in some way or another to seek Christ. Introducing to you my beloved team, TIME.
Please pray that I will constantly look to the Lord to guide me in all my ways. That I will no lean on my own understanding but trust in Him. That we as a team will grow in boldness together to step out more in faith and share the good news of the gospel.
