“This, Myles, Is Why You Still Need A Savior”
I realize I haven’t written many blogs this month and I realize that the last one I wrote was a rant about denominational churches and how I feel they are failing miserably at being THE church instead of just A church. While I stand by that assessment, I feel like I need to calm down a little. The whole point of this blog is to write about what God is doing in my life, not to judge others. When I first started writing, I had a lot to say because I was so newly saved and everything was so exciting. Now that life has calmed down some, I feel like I have just been taking the easy route by writing all of my blogs about what the churches in America do that pisses me off. I’m not saying that I won’t ever go on another rant (because that’s a promise I could never keep). I’m just saying that I’m going to strive to write more about my life and less about how I think others are getting it wrong (as if it is even possible to get it right).
So, on that note, I guess I should start by writing this post about how wrong I constantly get this life of following Jesus. It has come to my attention lately that when I tell people my testimony, it sounds like I’m saying that God took away all of the struggles in my life in the back of River City Church that morning in June (see testimony blog). Let’s go ahead and squash that idea right now. That’s not what happened. God did take away my addiction to drugs and He did fill me with the peace which surpasses all understanding. What He did not do by any means is take away my ability to sin. I’m still a sinner. I still fail Him daily.
I’m super happy that my desire to be wasted all the time is gone. The cobwebs have cleared and I am able to see how God is working in the world around me. That doesn’t by any means make me less of a sinner than people who still struggle with addiction, or with homosexuality, or with homicidal or suicidal tendencies or with anything else. A sin is a sin. There are no lesser or greater sins. Just sin. My struggle with sin isn’t going to end until His kingdom comes to this broken world or I leave this world and enter His kingdom. Until then, I’m glad that I have Him and some well placed people (family and friends) in my life to guide me.
With the addiction gone and the Holy Spirit living in me now, I am able to see the other places in my life that still could use improvement. Sometimes I get complacent and entirely too comfortable in the fact that my sins past, present, and future have been paid for. I forget that none of the good in my life comes from anything I have done. Without the grace of God, I am the same scumbag that used to steal from my parents and take advantage of other peoples weaknesses for my own personal gain. Sometimes, I get unduly cocky in the changes God has done in my life and let myself do other things that are offensive to Him because, “Hey. My sins are already paid for, right?”. The beauty of having the Holy Spirit living in me is that He doesn’t let me go on like that too long before He slaps me in the back of the head and says “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”. Sometimes this feels like crap and sometimes He just makes me laugh out loud at my own arrogance and stupidity.
By the grace of God, I was able to get my driver’s license back earlier this week. It has been suspended for close to five years, and about a year ago I actually stopped driving without a license all together. It has been less than a year since I started following Jesus, so I had forgotten about some of the challenges that come along with operating a vehicle on the streets of Jacksonville. A couple of nights ago I was driving in my neighborhood and a car cut me off. Before I knew what was going on, a whole string of obscenities had left my mouth and my left hand was out the window with the middle finger flying high. About three seconds into this fit of complete insanity I realized what I was doing and quickly pulled my hand back in the car. I was shocked at my own behavior. At that moment God said to me “This, Myles, is why you still need a Savior.” I promptly started laughing uncontrollably (which probably looked crazier than the road rage), waved at the poor ninety year old woman driving the car, and mouthed an apology. Wow, I’m definitely still a total jackass sometimes.
This life is nothing if not one learning experience after another. I’m constantly falling and being picked back up. God has put me in an incredible community of believers who don’t judge my weaknesses while still speaking truth into my life. They know the places where I struggle and aren’t afraid to call me on my BS. When financial, spiritual, physical or mental problems arise, they are there with advise, support, and prayer. Without these people God has provided for me, I would be completely lost. Isolation is a killer and community is where growth happens. For the times that God doesn’t directly smack me in the head and tell me how absurd I’m being, He speaks through these people who are always there. Living day in and day out with this type of life giving community is one of the things that excites me most about going on the Race. There will be no hiding our struggles and sorrows from each other while we travel together to do unknown things in unfamiliar places. I can’t imagine a better way to spend eleven months growing into the man that God wants me to be. As always, thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Love Y’all!!!
