Present And Accounted For
During my first year as a Christian I spent a lot of time dreaming about what life was going to be like when I finally left America for the World Race. I had only started following Jesus a few weeks before I accepted His first assignment, for me to take the gospel to the nations. Not only was I to have the honor of spreading the Good News, I was to do it as a vagabond. How cool is that? God had called me to a great adventure and almost all of my attention was immediately focused on that adventure. As I look back now I realize that so much of my life was focused on my coming journey that at times I forgot to live the life God had laid out for me in the moment. I did street ministry on Saturday mornings, but spent more time talking to my friends from church about my fundraising and the gear I needed to buy than I did praying for the people we were ministering to or learning about their lives. I helped out with youth group but spent most of my time talking to the other leaders and some of the kids about this great adventure I was planning instead of really learning what was going on in the lives of the kids and taking part in the adventure He had for them. It was the same thing everywhere I went for an entire year. I thought I had started following Jesus, but really I had only started making plans to follow Jesus.
Now the big adventure is underway. I am in a children’s shelter in Cambodia in month four of the World Race and I am constantly catching myself dreaming of life when I get back to the States in seven months, or next month in Africa, or even next Saturday on my off day. I am realizing that I have a problem just living in the present. I walk through life constantly fantasizing about what is yet to come. Even when our off days come I usually spend most of the day on Facebook fantasizing about what my friends in America are doing instead of taking advantage of the time God has given me across the globe with the family He has put in my life for this journey.
Where am I going to live when I get home? What will my ministry look like in Swazi? Are we really even going to Swazi next month? Will my team get to hang out with another team next Saturday in our free time? These questions haunt me to the point that I forget to just be. God called me to travel around the world to live in community with the people He chose to be in my life during this season and to love on the people who He chose for me to minister to while I’m in each of these countries. Dreaming about the future really just shows a lack of trust in Him. It is a threat to me actually experiencing what He has for me right now. I don’t want to miss out on what He has planned for me. I know that reality in Him is much better than any fantasy my mind can conjure anyway.
How can I change this pattern though? How can I control where my mind wonders off to. The simple answer is that I can’t on my own. I will need a lot of help from God in this area. What I can do is spend more time in prayer and in the Word. It is easy to lay on my mat for that extra half hour in the morning instead of getting up and spending time with God. That doesn’t help me see what He wants from me today though. I can spend more of my time off taking advantage of the places I’m visiting and the people I’m traveling with. It is easy to spend my time off blankly staring at Facebook instead of trying to find fun things to do with my teammates. Daydreaming about the things my computer screen says are going on in America doesn’t grow the relationships God has put in my life right now though. When we get a break from ministry it is easy to just lay down and fall asleep with headphones on, even though I’m not really that tired, but that robs me of time I could be using to pour into a teammate or go for a run and clear my head from the day. I’m not saying that rest is a bad thing. Sometimes I will still take a nap when I need one. I’m not giving up social media or in any way going to ignore my friends and family back home. I am going to start being more intentional with my time though. God has called me to the experience of a lifetime and I don’t want to miss out on any of the portion He has for me in this season of my life. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.
Love Y’all!!!
