Before the Race while I was still fundraising and preparing to leave America I really had no idea what to expect from this eleven months. I knew people who had been on this same journey and had heard their stories, I read blogs, and I tried to imagine how God was going to wreck my life even more than he already had. I got this idea in my head that I was going to be frustrated and possibly even crying for an entire year. I was ready to be completely broken down again just like He had done when He removed my addiction and healed my spirit a few months before. That experience had been incredibly painful, but life changing and joyous. I think I thought that big brokenness experiences were the only way that God worked in our lives. As usual, I was wrong.
Early in the Race (month 1 in Nepal) I started feeling bad about the fact that people around me were starting to be broken by God and I was still doing okay. People were being pushed far outside of their acceptable levels of comfort. There was some crying, some screaming, and some obvious depression manifesting in the people around me. I started wondering why this wasn’t happening to me. I had read the blogs. I had heard the talks at training camp. I was supposed to be crying too, right? I started thinking that maybe I was a sociopath. There had to be something wrong with me. It really kinda worried me. Finally toward the end of the month, I had a one on one with Chrissy (our squad leader) and I told her how I was feeling. What she told me was so simple, yet so profound. She said: “Myles, it’s okay to be okay.” This six word sentence changed the whole Race for me. I no longer felt like there was something wrong with me and I started being able to focus on what God has for me this year.
So, what did God have in store for me? Not at all what I was expecting. There have been demons that manifested and needed to be cast out. There have been sick people who needed healing. There have been a lot of churches along the way that needed sermons, testimonies and songs. There have been friends who needed advice. There have been street kids who needed a Godly man to speak into their life. There have been addicts and drunks and prostitutes. There have been lepers and ladyboys. There have been starving kids who needed food and love. God has used me in many different ways thus far on my Race and everything He has done through me has had one thing in common. All of it has stretched me way outside of my comfort zone. I asked God to use me in whatever way He wanted to a long time ago and now I realize that for Him to answer that prayer requires one sacrifice. My comfort.
Now God has asked for one more comfort sacrifice from me. He has called me into leadership. People have told me since I signed up for the Race that I would be asked to be a team leader. Mostly their reasoning in the beginning was that I’m older than everyone, so it makes sense that AIM would ask me to be a team leader. From the first time I heard this, knowing full well that I had told God to use me however He wanted, I started praying against it. I didn’t want it. I wanted to enjoy my Race without all of the responsibility. Not to mention, when I signed up for the World Race, I had only been a Christian (and sober) for a few weeks. Most of the people I am on this trip with have grown up in the church and never strayed that far. I simply didn’t feel qualified to lead anyone. Before I launched last July, at my going away party, a friend said that she had been praying for me and God said to her that I would be called to leadership and it would have nothing to do with my age. Damn it! I prayed harder. Finally, about four months into the Race, I stopped praying against leadership. I decided to give up on the struggle with God and see what He did.
Now here I am in month 9 and I am a team leader. The feelings that I’m not qualified have passed. One thing God showed me early on was that He walked me through a bunch of crazy stuff earlier in my life so that now I have wisdom to speak into situations that others simply can’t. A lot of my brothers and sisters on the squad have grown up in the church and haven’t strayed that far. The thing is that some of them have stayed the course only because of the insane amount of legalism that they grew up in. They have followed the law without being able to recognize the incredible amount of grace and love God truly has for them. Some had sin in their lives that they hid so deep that it was tearing them apart. Because of my testimony, people have been comfortable coming to me to talk about these things. Even though the idea of speaking into others lives makes me very uncomfortable and I’m new at this Christianity thing, God has positioned me in a way that I can show others what it looks like to let go of all of the BS in their past and really let God take over. By worldly standards, I’m not at all qualified to lead, but with the Holy Spirit in me, I’m qualified to do anything that God requires of me.
When I was asked to team lead, I said “yes” without needing to take time to think about it. I just knew that it was what is required of me in this next season. I was right in the beginning that God was going to wreck my life on this trip. It just looked different than I thought it would. Team leading requires me to be a go between between the host and the team. I will have to make sure that team times and feedback happen. I will be required to stay in contact with our squad coaches and AIM staff for the team. I will also try to set a spiritual climate for my teammates that calls them to a higher place and encourages them to let go of the lies that the enemy might be whispering in their ears. I love my new team. It is an honor to have this opportunity to serve them in this way. I am still uncomfortable, but I know that when my comfort zone is tested, He is there to take over. It is in my weakness that His strength is glorified. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Love Y’all!!!
