Beauty. Dictionary definition: “a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight”. For a long time this is how I defined beauty, the same way the WORLD views beauty, externally. I formed an eating disorder when I was 15. During this time, I fed off people’s compliments instead of literal nutrition. I was hyper-focused on bettering my physical appearance to gain the attention of others.
Since being on the race, I have had little control of the things that affect my appearance. I quickly realized that my body would not maintain itself while daily eating pb&j’s, oatmeal and now rice with almost every meal. Due to this, I have been forced even more to place my identity in Christ and to deny my physical self.
For too long, I was cautious/worried about my weight and allowed it to dampen my joy. The race has not fixed my struggle with weight or my distorted identity. However, the LORD has changed my heart and my view of myself. He has constantly reminded me of His blessing in daily providing food, regardless of my thoughts on its nutritional value. He has reminded me of the blessing it is to have an able body to do the work He’s called me to.
I have realized that the less I care about my appearance, the more joy I have in spirit. 1 Peter 3:4-5 says to not let your adorning be external, but to let it be the hidden person of your heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. The Lord calls me to do exactly that, not focus on beautifying my external. Instead, He instructs me to beautify my spirit, which endures forever.
Thank you Lord for making me beautiful and meaning it as much more than my external appearance.
