This might come as a shock to you all…but I have not lived a perfect life(sorry Mom and Dad). I have lied, cheated, envied, disrespected, hated, not listened to God and so much more.
Growing up in church, my ultimate goal was to not sin. Obviously, this is unrealistic as I am human and we have a sinful nature. But, I would always get mad at myself for sinning because I figured it should be easy for me. After all, I grew up in a Christian home and I have two older siblings who can mess up for me, so I know what not to do. I even set rules and guidelines in place so that I would be far from sinning.
There was a year in my life when I was completely doing my own thing. I didn’t turn from God, I just led myself to believe that what I was doing was okay in God’s eyes. But truly, I put myself, my image and a non-God-honoring relationship before Christ. In an attempt to gain control during this time, I resorted to barely eating and instead fed off of people’s compliments.
Looking back, there were many moments when I clearly felt God warning me prior to making another bad decision or nudging me to actually listen to others’ advice or concerns.
Once I let go of the reign of my life, through the help of my parents and conviction from God, I was at such peace. I spent that whole summer digging into the Word and rediscovering truth and God’s promises; it was through this time that I found some of my favorite verses that brought conviction and insight:
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails“. -Proverbs 19:21
“They profess to know God, but they deny Him by their works“. -Titus 1:16
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:19-20
So why did I share all of this? Well, this year I have learned the importance of transparency. God has placed many people and situations in my life where He’s led me to share about these parts of my past and it’s helped me realize why He allowed these things to occur.
God is so full of GRACE and LOVE. Once you ask for forgiveness, He remembers your sins no more(Hebrews 8:12). I am continually in awe of His grace.
Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows since then. I still have my favorite sins and struggles; it’s often still hard to see myself in God’s eyes and to remember that I’m forgiven. But, God is patient with me. He has brought restoration and clarity in my life. Through my family and boyfriend, He has shown me true godly love and the realization the He is all I need, but others are a huge blessing in this journey called life.
I realize that control over food or relationships are not areas of struggle for everyone, but I know that everyone has/had struggled with control. Whether it be your finances, time or future, I encourage to give it to God. As your Creator, He knows your every need and only desires the best for you. He doesn’t promise that there won’t be pain, rather He tells us to “rejoice as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed“(1 Peter 4:13).
So, this is me rejoicing in my past and current sufferings!
With many blessings and love,
Mykayla
P.s. Enjoy my new favorite song!
