It’s safe to say that never, in a million years, did I imagine I would have my own blog. Partly because I find the thought extremely cringeworthy and partly because I suck at writing and expression and all those things I should have learned in English classes. But yet here I am – officially initiating my sub-par, hopefully not-so-cringey blog.
There would have to be a very good reason for me to go back on my promise to never write another essay in my life. This reason has presented itself in the shape of the World Race Semesters program! In case I haven’t casually brought it up in conversation a million times, this year I am postponing my final year of college to 6 months of mission in South-America. This was a rather sudden, rather drastic decision I made just this summer. And I’d forgive you for asking; Why Now? To tell you the truth I’ve asked this question to myself – and God – again and again.
I first encountered a strong desire to do mission when I was 14. I watched a documentary about two brothers who spent time volunteering in an orphanage in Peru. And I had never been so personally touched by a film before, or since. It wasn’t a case of me thinking ‘that looks fun’ but I was more filled with a conviction; I am meant to do this.
I’ve seen a lot of people serving God in various admirable ways but I’ve always been most drawn in by the idea of serving those in need in very practical yet loving ways. And ever since watching that documentary it became a goal of mine to move to Peru in 2nd year of college to serve God by serving his children who need to be loved.
But then life happened. What was once a concrete plan became a possible back-up plan. I have become obsessed with myself – my future, my success – and unwilling to allow anything, even my greatest desires, to get in my way. I was planning on going full-steam into final year, ace my exams, and head into a post-grad internship that would propel me into my professional life. And while there is nothing wrong with ambition, I was allowing it to trump my desire to help people, my compassion, and my trust in God. My plan came first and his plan came second.
But through a series of failures and disappointments God took my eyes off my success and my plans and back to who I am and his plans for my life. He had to break down the person I was obsessed with becoming in order to reveal the person he created me to be. And while I don’t believe at all that it is his plan for me to fail in life, I know that it is his plan that I hold off and give this year to him.
So I decided that this year, instead of securing the best life for myself, I would spend a bit of time trying to help those less fortunate, who would never even dream of having some of the basic things I take for granted in life.
And so, here I am, and aside from the odd panic that I’ve thrown my future out the window, I’m feeling peace about my decision and am just so excited to head off on this trip. I don’t expect it to be easy, I don’t expect that my life will magically fall into place because of it. But I do expect to learn more about God – and myself by extension – and grow in trust in him.
