It is amazing. I didn’t understand why people gained weight
on the race… I was like that is sooo not going to be me. They said the reason
is that food becomes a comfort. I saw that more than ever this past month.
Roatan had a Wendy’s…There is something about eating
expired food and beans and rice every day that makes a frosty and fries become
a huge stumbling block.
There was one day in particular when we were going into town
for our girls’ ministry site. All I could think about was getting a frosty after
the super hot and sweaty day of work. I begged and pleaded and they consented
to taking me.
We got there and God sweetly reminded me that He is all I
need…
He told me to slow down (I was like b-lining it to the
door).
He told me to open the door for everyone else.
He told me to be in the back of the line.
Part of me just knew the machine was going to be broken and
the lack of my beloved frosty would become the source of disappointment for the
rest of the night. I got up to the register, “a chocolate frosty with
m&m’s please”. The order went through and I stood in awe. Did that
just happen?
Waiting waiting and waiting some more. We were late now to
our ministry site because soooomeone had to get a frosty. “Excuse me
ma’am, we have been waiting forever and 5 other orders have come out already
what is the stinkin deal?” No I didn’t say that but wanted to. Again I had
to wait.
“Jesus, I give it to you” I hesitantly said. I
took a deep breath and joined others who weren’t fazed by the frosty dilemma like
I was. I finally saw it. A tray of 6 frozen wonders were on their way into
everyone else’s mouths but mine.
Then it happened…the lady looked at me and motioned that mine
was ready. I literally couldn’t get to that counter fast enough. I looked at it
up close. Oh nooo… it wasn’t chocolate. I looked in disappointment and
politely asked the worker “no chocolate?” said in my Spanish accent
(chaco-latte). She looked at me confused as if I was talking about a literal
shoe and popular drink at Starbucks.
My immediate selfish thoughts were
-of course I wouldn’t get the right one
-I knew something was going to go wrong
-can I not just get what I want geez?
Seconds later they traded my vanilla for a chaco-latte one
and I was pretty much slapped in the face with the kindness and love of my
Lord.
Moriah, I love you. Moriah I am not a mean God. Why do you
think I wouldn’t want to give you what you desire? Be careful that your desire
is for me alone. You can trust that I will bless you and satisfy you more than
any ice cream or thing of this world.
Why am I telling you about a frosty? If you look under the
stinkin frosty you can see a lot there. You see this month I have wrestled with
my selfishness. My fleshly desires were out in full force. We worked so dang
hard so I deserve a frosty or a long shower right? I had become a self
comfort-seeking addict. I want chocolate. I want cookies. I want to rest. I
don’t want to work today etc. It was bad.
Something finally broke that frosty day. After
waiting and waiting for it, it turned out to be one of the worst frostys I have
ever had. It didn’t taste bad but it didn’t satisfy. It didn’t even
come close. (plus I spilt it all over myself). It was awful. My hope had been
in a melted mush of sugar. I was seeking my joy and comfort in something that
wouldn’t ever satisfy.
It goes even deeper then that. I am still holding on to
comforts, to things that make me feel good etc. This isn’t what I signed up
for. I didn’t sign up to feel clean all of the time. I definitely didn’t sign
up to eat good. I didn’t sign up to sleep a lot. I most certainly didn’t sign
up to look or smell good. I signed up to be wrecked. I signed up to be
uncomfortable. I signed up to smell. I signed up to wear the same clothes over
and over and over again. I signed up to sleep on the ground. I signed up to be
TOTALLY dependent on the Lord. Him alone. Forget the stuff of this stinkin
world. It is comfortable and steals my affection from Jesus and I don’t want
it. No frosty, no makeup, no man can satisfy like my savior can. Jesus first
always. I signed up to follow Him wherever He goes. I signed up for a journey
of reckless abandonment where the only thing that remains through the storm is
Jesus and this girl wrapped safely in His arms. It’s those same arms that held
Him to die on a tree for me. It’s in those arms that I have all that I need.
