One of my close friends once told me that a lot of the time the things I don’t really want to do, I probably should do, and the things that I would rather do/are ALOT easier to do are probably me taking the easy way out and have less reward… therefore I probably shouldn’t do them. Yes, of course, this is in specific scenarios, but the past month and going into this month, the Lord has really been showing me the depth of this statement.
This past month has been really hard and heavy for me. I was very caught up in my head, being attacked, and avoiding and running away from the Lord and HARD things, even though I know these things would bring me freedom. But PRAISE, because thanks to the perfect, jealous, never ending pursuit of our Creator, Father, and Best Friend, I gave in. The Lord came and rescued me from myself and my imperfection, once again.
But, it’s not over. We constantly are going from valley to mountain top, and back down to the valley.
And because of the big things that were brought up and also happened in this past month, I know that it’s not going to be such an easy climb to the mountain top, even though the Lord had helped me start up again and is walking me step by step. It’s going to be a fight, a daily battle with little victories to keep me going. Every season, every mountain and valley looks different.
This month the Lord has actually spoken three specific things over my climb:
VULNERABILITY — HUMILITY — FREEDOM
I use to think I was an open book. I was super vulnerable and willing to tell and share all the Lord had done and walked me through in life and all He was doing. But that was wrecked when I was thrown into a mess that even this time I couldn’t handle by myself or even bear to look at or acknowledge. It was in that moment that I realized I am very vulnerable when it comes to what the Lord has ALREADY done and healed or what he is GOING to do and heal. But, what He is actually currently DOING is a different story.
Quick side trail. If you knew me even just a little as a child and young adult, you would know that I definitely have “control freak” down to a science. Yes, over the years that’s worn off some just with maturity and my relationship with the Lord, but it’s definitely still a thing. I knew that I would always have some of that in my blood but didn’t realize how much it was still affecting me in many ways.
The reason it was so hard for me to be vulnerable and let people into the current thing I’m walking through… aka the current mess, is because IT IS a mess. It’s an unorganized, confusing, intense (sometimes), emotional mess that doesn’t leave room for there to be any sort of control. Not to mention, any control I tried to have over my mess, was keeping it to myself… because lets face it if I’m the only one who knows, I’m the only one that can hold myself accountable, therefore it’s easier to avoid the Lord, ignore the problem, and just continue to wallow in my head and in the lies.
So, of course, this month the Lord is walking me through breaking down my control through vulnerability, wrecking any sort of pride or defensiveness through humility and lessons involving this, both which will ultimately take me to my next mountain top… Freedom! Freedom, where I will have breath(s) of fresh air and give Him the glory and credit and honor, as well as regain my strength and motivation to head into the next valley for more learning.
I wanted and needed to share this with you all as some first steps of vulnerability. I am beginning to trust and learn how to let my team in right now as well and humble myself to allow them to speak into my mess. You all as well as my team have been given so much from the Lord and have so much to offer. I desire to soak up all that I can and really learn from the people the Lord has put in my life. So, be looking for my next blogs because I will be diving to some of the first journeys of humility the Lord is walking me though as well as the struggles and areas of control that I am beginning to give over to Him.
I want to thank all my people really quick for making me feel SOOO remembered and loved on my birthday with all of the sweet texts and phone conversations I had. You guys truly made my birthday, and I still cry thinking about it so thank you thank you thank you!! 🙂 I love you so much!! Lets keep doing this journey together <3
ALSO!!!!!! I was just about to post my blog when I got some CRAZY FUN news… WE HAD A ROUTE CHANGE !!!!
I will no longer be going to India for 3 months! Now we will be in India for 2 months and will finish out our last month in Nepal!!!!!!! WAHOOOOO
Anyways, haha love yall!!
Morgan
