People have been asking me how the transition back home has been. But if I’m being completely honest, it has been really difficult.
The first day being back in the states, I told 3 people in Spanish some form of thank you, hello, or how are you doing. On my second night being back, I went to a Vietnamese restaurant. My throat had been on fire for about 4 days now, and I thought Pho would be a good option. I walked in to their restroom and was overtaken by the smell. No, not the smell of delicious food, but rather the smell of flowers and the fact that their restroom was quiet. I stood there at the door, in awe and disbelief that I could hear myself think, and was not surrounded by the smell of poop and gross food. So, I use the restroom and then, as usual, I look for the trash can to put my toilet paper in, to have it hit me that in the States, we don’t have to throw our paper in a trash can, but rather the toilet itself. I then walk out to the table and see the glass of ice water in front of my seat and just about start to cry because I now remember that it is safe to drink that water, and that IT’S FREE! I know that these things all seem to be little, but to me they were everything.
You see, when you live overseas for any amount of time, you start to forget the things that have become so natural to you. You begin to live life with little tweaks, and over time they become just as natural to you, if not more natural than the original habits you formed. You learn to wash EVERYTHING before you eat it, even if the water out of the sink is not suitable to drink, you find other ways. You don’t order the meat dishes because you never know how they cook it, or really what it even is in most places. You carry around hand sanitizer and toilet paper with you EVERYWHERE because you never know when you will have to go, where you will end up, or even what they will have in that said “bathroom”. So to the team of 33 people I was with, this was our normal. This is the lifestyle that we adapted to, and what our every day life was. Sure we would get sick, malaria, strep throat, flu, respiratory infections, UTIs, and other things, but we were doing the best that we could.
We were giving these precious small teams that we got to live with for 5-6 months. You would learn people’s habits, their triggers, the things you need to bring up and the things you just let go. You readjust what “normal” is, because in the end it is just a relative term to whoever you are speaking with. But my “normal” was real to me. It wasn’t this made up fantasy or cool excursion I got to do. It was me, living my life and finding out how to incorporate Christ in ever ounce of what I did, the corners that I wanted to hide, and in a way that others could understand.
So transitioning home was weird. I no longer had the 24/7 wanted, or sometimes unwanted, help and wisdom from those around me. I didn’t have to learn patience anymore when I needed to go to the restroom but it was taken by a teammate. I can trust that the water out of the tap is safe and bottles of water are fine. I don’t have to wash fruits or vegetables (as often) as I used to. I don’t have to look for the poopy paper trash can, or be worried about how my toilet paper is about to run out, because these aren’t things that we worry about in the states.
But there is still some pieces of me that are missing. I miss my family of friends that I spent the whole year with. I miss sharing meals with them. I miss the cheap markets and being able to buy food for less than $5 for an entire day. It’s the little things that I have learned I loved, even when at first they were inconvenient. It’s much “easier” for me to be in the states, but I’m not sure it is where I’m supposed to be long term.
The Lord has done a lot of things in me this past year, and because of His faithfulness, I want to continue to do His work, wherever He calls me. So will you partner with me in prayer to continue to listen for Him, to tune my ear to His voice, be more sensitive to His nudges, and to push more into what He wants me to learn from this season of transitioning.
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and that your New Years is a fresh start you wanted, or maybe a new step to press further into something. XOXO
