Have you ever felt like your life could not get any better? You have the perfect friends, the best job, your family is great, and God has been good to you. You take a step back and really admire the life that you have set up for yourself. But then one day you wake up and everything you thought you had, is gone.
When I was in Indonesia this past June, there was an incident that happened where a man ended up in the bungalow I was sleeping in. No one on the property really knew this guy, but because some parents bring their kids to the school there, I thought he was one of the fathers waiting for his kid to go back home. Well, that was not the case. He began talking to me and asked if he could sit on the edge of my house so he was out of the sun. I didn’t see any harm in that, but that wasn’t enough for him. He proceeded to ask to use my phone charger. “Yeah sure, Jesus would let you use his phone charger” I thought to myself. He then asked if he could smoke in my house, which I refused because it makes me sick to my stomach and cough a lot. When I thought he would leave to smoke, he instead put his whole body in my house and reclined into one of my bags that was sitting at the door.
While not one of these things is super uncomfortable, the combination of them all together set me over the top. Growing up I felt as though I was never heard. I was bullied and picked on and could never really stand up for myself. I felt as though there were situations where my hands were tied behind my back and my mouth was duct taped shut. This was another one of those situations.
I thought that if I would tell the guy that I was going to sleep, he would leave and not bother me anymore. But, at least for this guy, that was not the case. I began to pray, “Lord, you know this is uncomfortable for me. Why is this guy here and why won’t he leave? You know I hate being in situations where I feel like I don’t have a voice. Please make him leave! I beg you, Lord, take him away from my house!” And as I cried myself to sleep that afternoon, I was convinced that something bad was going to happen. I had glimpses of abuse and rape come to mind and I was no longer safe.
Luckily, I had a teammate who slept across from me in another bungalow. When she realized that I was asleep, she ran and got our team leader, Matt, who would gladly chase off anyone that made us remotely uncomfortable. But when he got there, the guy had walked away. When I woke up, the first thing I heard was how someone on the team took pictures of me while I was asleep, and instantly I felt as though what little privacy I had was taken away from me.
I left my house to go teach one of the classes of English and this man watched as I left. When the class was over, he was once again sitting beside my house and I did not feel as though going back was an option. By this time, the team knew what was going on and were on the lookout for him, as well as trying to figure out who he was. Our host said he was someone from the government who was trying to shut his farm down because it wasn’t useful to the community, so for our host to stand up to him and say leave was out of the question.
When it became time for dinner, there were a couple people outside the main house who were making chocolate, so this man stood outside with them and looked through the window while we ate dinner. I could not focus. What little part of me was held together was breaking now because this man was invading every safe place I thought I had. As I began to tear up as I ate, one girl began to play Gilmore Girls on her phone to distract me as she grated coconut for the chocolate. Another girl was on door duty, making sure that he was staying outside. Matt was outside making sure that the guy was leaving, and 2 girls were washing the dishes from dinner. At one point, this guy made it past the door and was standing over us watching the phone. When I realized it was this man, I lost it. Tears ran down my face as I was no longer safe. Matt comes running in from the kitchen and basically chases the man out.
I left the main house and cried for a long time on one of the beds where a teammate was staying. She locked the door behind her, so I was safe, but that wasn’t how I felt at all. I felt as though I was in a prison, running away from the one person who was everywhere. And to me, I had no idea where I was going to sleep anymore.
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The Lord showed me in Indonesia that He was going to be pulling out weeds in my life and working through them. This situation was definitely hard for me because I felt as though every bad decision I ever made growing up pertaining to boys was put on the stand at one time. I can say that after a month of trying to sit down and figure it out on my own, I couldn’t. I had to surrender it over and realize the fact that I don’t know why the Lord revealed those particular parts to me that way. I also don’t know what will come from it, but what I do know is that the Lord is producing something in me that is far greater than anything I could imagine. So, if that means I have to go through things that are hard, or uncomfortable, it’s all worth it for the glory of the Lord.
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were tested on their faith by being put in a fiery furnace, in Daniel 3. While my situation is nothing in comparison to what they had to go through, I believe it can pertain a little to what happened in Indonesia. When we go through hard things that test our faith, like being put in a fiery furnace, it is not only us that are in the furnace, but also God himself. As Daniel 3:25 states, “He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”” When our faith is tested, it produces perseverance, or the ability to continue efforts or achieve something despite difficulties, failures, or opposition.
I choose to believe that the Lord is producing in me fruits of the spirit like patience, joy, love, peace, goodness and faithfulness, even when it hurts and is agonizing. I know that if I can even endure a little sliver of what Jesus Christ endured on the cross, it’s all worth it in the end. So what is the Lord trying to walk you through that is hard? Will you let Him work it out for His glory?
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Stay tuned for the next portion of what the Lord has been walking me through!
