Training Camp was probably one of the most hardest, but greatest times of my life. I got to meet 32 other people who will be traveling the world along side of me. We shared what God was doing in our lives, as well as what we hope the Lord will do while on this journey. I knew walking in to training camp that I wanted to have a deeper connection with the Lord and I wanted to seek what receiving a gift from the Holy Spirit would look like. As training camp progressed though, I wasn’t feeling like I was able to connect the way I wanted to, or that I was getting any answers.
In preparation for training camp, I knew that I would need to practice a couple times for the hike of 2.2 miles to make sure that I would be able to make a time requirement of 38 minutes. I live in an area that has a couple big hills and figured if I could do 2 miles in 35 minutes that I would be good, but I never accepted for the 40 pounds that would be on my back at training camp.
On day 7 of training camp, we woke up, packed all of our things up, and rushed to grab breakfast around 7am on our way to our fitness hike. I was ready! It was cold that morning and people were bundling up, but I knew the least amount of layers you had on the better because I didn’t want to overheat. I was a little worried because I had completely forgotten about the hike while packing and didn’t bring my tennis shoes, but I thought, “I have Chacos, and who can’t do a hike in Chacos, right?” (It’s okay, you can laugh here) So as a team we begin to stretch and prepare ourselves for what is about to begin. We strap our bags on and walk to the starting line. The time we will begin is written on our index cards and we tuck them away.
ON YOUR MARKS! “Oh man, this is it!”
GET SET! “Shoot it’s really gonna happen.”
GO! “Ahhhhhh!!! I’m doing it!!!”
I was off to a great start. I jogged up this small hill so that I could get to the biggest hill I had ever seen in my life. I begin to walk up this hill and instantly lose my breath. Like, I literally can’t breathe and all the tips someone gave me had left my knowledge center for the remainder of the day. My bag was pulling me down and my feet were slipping. (remember, it’s now 8am and raining in Georgia) The fuzzy socks that a friend had let me borrow are now soggy and wet, and my feet are getting cold. Along the way were members of the staff encouraging us that we could do it and we were doing a great job, but what they didn’t know is the time that we started. My time to start was 7:58am, which meant by 8:13am I needed to be getting back to the start line to begin the second loop. I had a quarter of a mile left for time and I knew in my heart that I wasn’t going to make it.
Staff members begin to run along side me and encourage me that I can do this and that the Lord was with me, but in my core, I knew that I was late. I had missed the mark that I set for myself and I was so disappointed. I let my team down. But most importantly, I let myself down. I began to think all the negative thoughts and as I rounded the corner for the start line, it began to become more evident that the huge hill I conquered once already, was about to be the death of me. I tried so hard to think of a song, because on any other day my thought process if filled with “Jesus, I Am” songs and how the Lord is my strength, but at that moment in time, all I could think about was the fact that I was already defeated. I finally made it up the treacherous hill and a friend meets me to continue on the journey with me. As she began to speak life into me, and how I was a conqueror, I wept because I had already given up on myself. In the imagery, God was standing next to me telling me I could do it, and I looked Him straight in the face and said, “I can’t do this!” I broke down, sobbing with my glasses fogged up and tears covering the lenses. I finally took off the glasses and placed them on the top of my head weaved into my hair.
But then this guy met me where I was, and told me that in my weakness I was made strong. And he spoke truth that I am made whole in His love. I have the strength of 10 men. And he began to give me little milestones to meet and beat. “Get to that tree. Okay now get to the pole with the flag.” And as I met these goals, he began to see my focus shift from the journey to my water bottle that was a hindrance because it was so heavy. So, he took it away from me. “You don’t need this water, get to the tree. Alright, you just gotta get around these cars.” And as I cried because I was defeated on the inside, I began to push myself. Instead of walking around the cars I jogged and made it around the parking lot without stopping. I got to the next staff member who began to jog with me. And my tears began to become sweat and I was determined to make it to the finish line! But I began to get swarmed with the thoughts of comparison because members of other teams were now passing me who I knew had started WAAAYYYYYYY behind me. I began to give up on myself again, when I was doing this journey on my own. I, once again, gave up when it got hard. I rounded the hill and members of my squad met me and began to run with me, but the only thing I could think of to say to them was, “GO GET MEME! SHE’S BACK THERE AND SHE NEEDS YOU MORE!” And as my team members left me, I pushed through what I thought was 400 miles of isolation again. I hit the last little 50 yards of the hike and get to a tiny hill where I hop step through and collapse right there at the finish line. In exhaustion from the 2.2 miles that I just drug myself through, I was defeated. Again, I began to cry because what I was so confident at the beginning about, I now was destroyed by.
That afternoon, my team leader/mobilizer relayed the news that I knew was coming, I missed the mark. But the Lord reminded me of a member on my team, Mady. She was someone that I was growing close to and who had been an encourager for me that whole week. I walked up to her and asked the hard ask, “Will you help me to make sure that I make the fitness test time requirement?” With the biggest smile on her face, and a grin from ear to ear, she very excitedly told me that she would love to. I didn’t know what to think at that point, I was confused as to why someone would want to go through that awful course again.
The very next afternoon, I had to suit up again to do the fitness hike. I had my friend by my side and the Lord on the other. We prayed before the start, and I told her to keep me distracted while hiking. Once again, I was off! I hit the little milestones of that rock, or that car, or the pave top, and continued to do so until I met my match, the treacherous hill. I told Mady, “Don’t let me stop moving up this hill!” and by the grace of God I made it up the hill! I was relieved! “Mady, tell me a story to distract me!” The most hilarious story came pouring our of her mouth and before I knew it I was almost to the second lap of the hike!
But then the thought set in of, “This is where I had my mental breakdown yesterday. I can’t do this anymore! Just stop now and quit.” But Mady was right there, singing me songs from the Little Mermaid, and how I Am A Conqueror and I finished the hill, and sprinted past the mental breakdown spot. As we continued to hit tiny goals, a staff member from my team, Taylor, joins in as another encourager. And between the two of them, I felt safe. I had my team of faith warriors who were fighting the battle for me, but most importantly, WITH me. And as the 3 of us crossed the finish line, I didn’t care what my time was any more. I had my joy back and a song in my heart of gratitude. Of course, though, the news had to come at some point.
Morgan… “Oh gosh here it comes, again!”
Your time for the hike was thirty minutes….. “Just rip the band-aid off and tell me I didn’t make it!”
Seven minutes and 30 seconds! “WWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT??!!!!!!!”
This is Mady and I after hike #2
We did it! And at the end of the day, I knew the importance of having people along side me who believed in me. People who would pray for me in all circumstances. People who encouraged me when I was down. People who had faith FOR ME, when my faith was temporarily out of service. And to those of you who have continued to pray for me, I want to say a huge thank you. Training camp was definitely hard for me, but your prayers and thoughts are what made it such a unique experience for me. The Lord provided in a lot of ways, and through your prayers He will continue to strengthen and equip me for the lies of the enemy. I am a warrior who sometimes forgets to put her armor on. As Ephesians 6 reads:
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”
Many blessings to you and your families over this Thanksgiving break. XOXO
