Yes, you read the title correctly. This is not click-bait. Let me explain.
Rewind to the morning of November 29. I was feeling lost of what direction to go with fundraising and I was confused at why God called me to the World Race. I was weak in my faith and vulnerable.
And Satan saw this as the perfect opportunity to attack me.
When I got up that morning, I reached for my phone to check social media. I was scrolling through Instagram when I stumbled upon a blog post of a previous racer who left the World Race after being on the field for a few months. I read through it (multiple times oops) and it enriched the present worries and created new fears. Satan attacked and he attacked hard.
This blog post shook me to the core that morning and I had anxiety as I went through the first part of the school day. I thought, “Should I just call my adviser and tell him I’m no longer going?”
Satan wanted me to quit the very moment fear washed over me, but God put it on my heart to seek out truth.
I emailed the concerns to my adviser, Drew, and waited for a response. I sat in class not paying attention to what was being taught because I was consumed by anxious thoughts. I read the blog post again. And again. And again.
As I’m sitting in my college class during fourth period I pull up not only the blog I had found that morning, but a handful of other tabs with similar titles. Satan was throwing things at me from all directions. I had tears in my eyes, but I hid it from the other people who were in the room (all of which were friends). As I was letting my thoughts spiral out of control my adviser tried to call me, but I was in class so I couldn’t answer. He immediately followed up with me through email to set up a time to talk on the phone.
Fast forward a day later and I am sitting in my bedroom anticipating a call that I honestly didn’t have a clue how it would go. Would he try to cover up for Adventures in Missions? Would I feel shame for having these thoughts?
Throughout the phone call I was met with patience as I worked through the entire blog post and asked numerous questions. Never did I once feel shame for having doubts and anxiety. Instead of making covers for the organization like I thought would happen, Drew pointed out that there have been weak spots in the organization and they are continuously trying to work on the organization. He didn’t make me decide on the spot if I was going to stay or leave the World Race, but he encouraged me to take time and pray about it.
I was foolish and didn’t try to seek out the Lord. So the questions continued. My train of endless thoughts continued. I made myself believe that I wasn’t supposed to go on the Race anymore, and that the Lord didn’t actually call me to do it after all.
I was so close to calling it quits. Close to giving into all of my fears, doubts, and misery. So close to giving up.
Then I prayed.
God put me at peace that He had called me to this. He has not called me to question, or fear, or run away when things get a bit hard. He has called me to follow Him even when it’s scary and a bit uncertain, He has called me to love others, and over anything He has called me to glorify Him.
Although God called me to do this, that doesn’t meant that it’ll be easy. Trials will come, but it’s possible to get through them because of a relationship with the Father.
The enemy tried to “uncall” me by using fear and anxiety. That’s when I should’ve realized God wasn’t the one who was speaking. Because God calls out of love and affirms.
The World Race has been and will be hard. That’s a given. But I am excited to continue seeking the Lord in times of hardship because He is the safest, most comforting place to be. The Father hasn’t left me during hard times and it’s not right of me to flee from Him when He puts me through trials to test my perseverance.
