Below is an excerpt from my journal, reflecting over everything God has done lately. It’s a little frantic and all over the place because I was excited, so bear with me! Hopefully it makes some sense! Haha
Thailand was amazing, but I think I learned the most from our host, Pat, and the things he taught us about the simplicity of Jesus’ teachings. I’ve always had such a tendency to ignore things God says in the New Testament or overcomplicate them, or wait for a calling from the Lord before following a commandment. But it’s simple. Jesus literally said, “don’t get drunk” and “die to yourself” and it’s just that simple. That is a Biblical worldview. Not saying “oh I have rights to this or that” but saying, “Jesus gave up all of His rights, so I will too.” Jesus said, ‘if you love me, feed my sheep’, so we do it. We don’t question the motives of the homeless person who may or may not be a drug addict. That’s not in the Bible. Jesus loves drug addicts, so we should too. We simply feed God’s sheep. We don’t wait to be called to adopt orphans. We do it until God tells us to stop because it says in the Bible that we should care for them.”
We laughed about how Pat always said “it’s so simple”, BUT IT REALLY IS SO SIMPLE!!! And I personally think one of the best ways to realize the simplicity of Jesus’ teachings is to escape the materialism that is daily life in the USA. I’m so grateful for this chance. God warns against riches and wealth. It is a distraction and can cost us eternity. We must GIVE TO THE POOR, because Jesus says so! He doesn’t say, “hold on to a few things in case of emergency”. No, he says in Matthew 6
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
There it is right there. How can we ignore these warnings when they are right in front of our faces?!
Thank you LORD for this new Biblical worldview. Following Jesus comes with a cost, but it’s simple to follow. It’s clearly laid out. I’m finally realizing what it looks like to love others more than myself. To have a fully surrendered life means to love others first. It means death to self. Taking action because Jesus clearly speaks to us through His Word. I no longer want my life to mean anything to me. I’ve prayed this before, but it’s finally clicking. I want to be as surrendered as Jesus was throughout His life and in the Garden praying before His death. Because this life is not for me to live selfishly. It’s to determine what eternity will look like.
God did not call me on the Race to go on adventures or relax on beaches or get that perfect candid for Instagram. (None of these things are necessarily bad, but this shouldn’t be my main purpose here!!) He calls me to die to self, putting away sinful desires and seeing things through an eternal lens. LORD, I pray that You would help me with this! It’s not about feeling comfortable or having one foot in the states and one foot in Cambodia or whatever country I’m in. It’s not counting down the months until I get to go home and be independent and comfortable again.
Comfort is a lie. It’s deceptive. It makes us think that being comfortable is all we need for our satisfaction. If we can just stay in our bubble, maybe God will still use us. And He can. But were the disciples ever comfortable?! Rarely. Was the church comfortable? NO! They were persecuted and radical for Christ’s mission! So we should look this way as well!!! The early church is an incredible model for the way we should live our lives today. I believe we are lacking in this!
God has also been revealing so much about my issues with my image. He’s stripping things away, just like Aslan stripped away Eustace’s dragon skin. For Eustace, it was deep and painful, yet satisfying and renewing. Something Eustace couldn’t do on his own. (Chronicles of Narnia, Voyage of the Dawn Treader. C.S. Lewis. Highly recommend! Lol) It sounds silly, but I deactivated my Instagram and it feels so amazing! Literally like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Instagram and social media in general has held such deep roots in my identity for years, and I can tell that God is beginning to uproot them and heal me. He’s giving me an entirely new perspective on life. I’m learning what freedom from image can look like and how I can just live and enjoy the moment without feeling some sort of pressure towards self-promotion or getting that perfect picture that makes me look effortless and adventurous. Social media has my mind always preoccupied, always scheming on how I can make myself look better. How I can impress others or make myself feel superior. I’m realizing that at the root of most of my motives, it is all a scheme to make myself look like I have it all together. I try to promote an image of myself that hides the rest of me. Even my decision to go on the Race was partially a sinful desire to improve my image!! No more of this! No more trying to get the most likes, to get reposted, to get thousands of views on my blogs. (Again, not bad things, but can be dangerous idols in my life!!) No more of this. I have been sent to be love. And to minister to those back home through the stories that I can tell. It’s that simple. God is stripping the bad, worthless things away, and I can tell that it’s only the beginning.
Ultimately, the point of all of this is taking our eyes off of ourselves, not being such “naval gazers” and simply shifting our eyes to the Cross. To Jesus. The worthless things of Earth will no longer be as magnified if we can just fix our eyes on the One who saves. Sometimes this involves getting rid of things that occupy our minds. If it’s something that causes deep sin patterns to flare up in our lives, or takes our eyes off of Jesus, WE GET RID OF IT!!!!
He is good. He loves us so much. He loves me so much that He has brought me to this very moment of transformation to make me look more like Him. So many things are happening, and it’s only month 4! Sometimes transformation is painful, but Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
So, He even uses our evil motives for good. He uses our selfish motives to reveal what “death to self” really looks like. And how there is absolute freedom from slavery in Christ our Lord! AMEN!!!!
