So, I chopped my hair. About 12 inches (that’s a whole foot). No big deal, right?
Wrong! For me at least.
This is probably going to feel silly for me to write about, but I know that I am not the only gal who struggles with this.
I’ve always placed my identity into how I look. If I can be beautiful; I can prove myself to be worthy of love. Therefore as long as I am beautiful, I will not be rejected. I will always have security as long as I am loved. And I attempt to earn love with my appearance.
Just a few lies I have believed –
You are only pretty if you have long hair.
You are only pretty if you have a flat stomach.
You are only pretty if you weigh 120.
You are only pretty if you wear make up.
You are only pretty if your clothes are trendy.
You are only worthy of love if you are unique.
You must be original.
You must be different, but not too different.
If you don’t turn heads, you are worthless.
So naturally, what have I dedicated my time and resources to for the majority of my life??
I have obsessed over my hair, my weight, my clothes. I spent hours watching YouTube videos about how to perfectly contour my face. I am terrified of criticism because for me, that equals rejection. That means that someone I care about (or don’t care about) took their love away from me because I could not please them.
What a freakin never ending hamster wheel of a life!
And the thing is, it is never good enough. No matter what I do, there is always something I feel the need to improve.
My insecurities have come out in full while on the World Race because of a lack of control over diet, weather, showering, sleeping, and just life in general.
I read a book recently called “Captivating”. It speaks about how every woman has a Question that they are asking; “Am I lovely?”. If they aren’t taking it to the Father, if they are taking their Question to the world, that is where pain and destruction lies.
I realized that I have been taking my Question to the world and to boys and to my friends for far too long. Why take that valuable Question to people who can’t even answer it in the perfect, loving, soul-warming way that the Lord can?
Cutting my hair was one of the scariest things I have ever done. My hair has always been a huge part of my identity. I have always believed that no boy will ever love me if my hair is short. So silly, right? But I have just always thought that no one will ever admire a Morgan with short hair. So of course, I had to chop it! It has helped me to rely solely on God and what HE has to say about my beauty. And do you know what He says?
Behold, you are beautiful my love! Behold, you are beautiful! • Song of Solomon 4:1
Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of your hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. • 1 Peter 3:3-4
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised • Proverbs 31:30
You are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you • Song of Solomon 4:7
For you formed me in my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made • Psalm 139:13-14
When God beseeches women to be dressed with a quiet and gentle spirit, He does not mean physically quiet and gentle. I believe God adores women who laugh and live loudly! No, He is referring to the inner tranquility of heart that comes with full trust in God. A quiet spirit is that which trusts God, knows He is good, knows He is love, and trusts in the sacrifice that Jesus made for our sin. When I’m trusting in my identity in Christ and how deeply He cares for me, I am in possession of a gloriously quiet and gentle spirit.
This is not to say that we should never wear jewelry, have long hair, or nice clothes. I believe what this scripture is referring to is the idolatry of the heart that comes with over-dedication to appearances. It’s okay to want to look nice, to go to the gym, to wear a pretty dress. It becomes sin when it takes the place of God in your heart; when the approval of man destroys the tranquility of heart that you can possess when fully relying on Him for your inner beauty.
Beauty fades! Did ya hear that!? Our earthly bodies will become dust. If I am not finding my security and affection from the Lord, if I am not focusing more on my inner beauty than my outer beauty, I will be left with nothing. Temporary things will never be found trustworthy.
So Father, am I lovely?
“you are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you.”
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We are in Portoviejo, Ecuador!
It’s amazing and sooooo hot!
This month we are being hosted by a local pastor and his church. We will be participating in community life groups, hospital ministry, garbage dump ministry, and helping out at a special needs men’s home.
Month 10 baby!!!!!
