That’s right.. you read that correctly.. HOME.
I get to my seat on a flight headed from Washington DC to Atlanta, GA. The stewardess begins the safety explanation and shows us how to put on our life vests in case of a water evacuation. We turn the corner on the runway at IAD and before I know it, were airborne. I watch as DC gets smaller and suddenly everything goes white. We are going up through the low lying clouds. My ears start popping as I continue chewing on my gum and stare out of the plastic window. Then, out of what seems like no where, light emerges. Slow and warm pouring through the white screen of clouds that lies just outside my window. Brighter and brighter, stronger and stronger the light grows until I can hardly look out my window without feeling blinded. I close the shade just slightly and when I open it back up again, we are above the clouds. I see blue skies and a bright ball of sunshine. Under us is a white blanket covering the land below.
We’re coming home early.
The thoughts keep pinging through my brain at random times. “This isn’t how it was supposed to be”, “I’m not ready to go home”, “I feel like I haven’t grown enough to be back yet”, “I’m not the woman of God I set out to be during these, what I thought would be, 11 months”. All racing through my head. “I don’t want to get my family sick”, “am I contagious?” “Am I carrying the virus?” “What if I accidentally touch a door handle and my dad touches it after me? Will he get sick and will it be worse for him?” “Will I get to go back out on the field?” “What about my squad? Will I ever see them all again?” “Why did this happen? What was the purpose in Jesus asking me to go on this race but pulling me back home in just 2 short months?” “What now?” // My mind races. Then the thought blossoms in my head as I sit looking out the window watching the white blanket below me.. I’m above it all. I am above the noise, the panic, the worry, the fear, the anxiety. I am above it. Right now I am flying thousands of feet in the air and I am above all of the chaos going on below me.
This virus is real.
But God is still good. He sits above it all. He sits high above the chaos. Above the noise. Above the worry. Above the anxiety. Above the disease. Above it all He sits and above it all He is still good. He has the perfect vantage point to see. He has the best perspective not only because He’s God, but because He is above it all. I can picture Him looking down at us saying “my children, trust me. Come to me. Let me carry your weight. Give me your worry. Give me your anxiety. Give me your fears.” He is above it all and above it all He is still good. We need to have His perspective. A friend and squad mate of mine, Angelica, told me last night as I stood in front of her, tears steaming down my face, terrified to go home and potentially get my family sick, “we are in warrior mode now” and she’s right. This is how we fight our battles – by remembering that He is still good. Amidst the chaos, amidst the schools and businesses closing. Amidst the worry and fear. He is still good. Fear and worry? Those are not of God because they are not in His nature or His character. He loves us and has our best in mind. “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you REST” (??????) // “For my God shall supply ALL your needs according to His riches in glory” (Phil. 4:19) // “DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the PEACE of God which transcends ALL understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:6-7) // “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to PROSPER you and NOT to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE” (Jer. 29:11).
This will probably be my last blog for a bit as I work I’m transitioning back at home. I don’t have all the answers right now. I have no idea what’s next or what I’ll do or if we’ll go back on the field or what that will look like. I don’t know if I am carrying the virus (all I know is currently I feel fine and don’t have a fever). I don’t know how being back home will feel or what it will look like. All I know is I’m coming home early. This virus is real. God is still good. We will not walk in fear.
Please wash your hands. Self quarantine to protect one another. Love each other. Help one another. Thank you and be good y’all.
