Hey ya’ll! Part 2 is finally here! (I feel bad that it’s taken me so long to post but it takes quite a bit of time to organize all of my ramblings into something that you would even remotely want to read. You do NOT want to see the first 18 drafts of this blog…) ANYWAY I talked in my last blog about how I learned the meaning of the word ‘yes’, but I didn’t get to share the full story with you. One part of the story is about me learning how to say yes to God, and there is a whole other part about me learning to say yes to my squad and to my team. At training camp I was able to dive headfirst into Godly community which was incredible and I want to share a little bit of what that looked like with you guys.
I guess I should start by saying that community is something that I have always struggled with, specifically Christian community. Growing up I never really sought out a Christian community within my church. I was angsty, awkward, and a little too loud to make that many friends in small group. I had friends at school though, so it wasn’t a really big deal to me at the time, I didn’t really know what I was missing out on.
As I got older life pushed me away from having any sort of community within my church. During that time I grew close with friends that were less accepting of my faith and in turn I learned to keep that part of myself private. My faith became something very personal (which isn’t always a bad thing) but it got to a point were I couldn’t really talk about it with anyone.
In the past few years, luckily, I have been able to surround myself with a Christian community. I’ve had the opportunity to grow with other believers and to talk about my faith with them (which was something completely foreign to me). I still struggled with creating room for real intimacy with those around me, mostly because I didn’t know what that looked like, but I have people in my life now that were willing to stick it out with me. It felt so unnatural to talk about my faith with others, it scared me and I always ended up feeling like I was trying to show off when really I was just talking about something that was important to me.
I’m going to be honest when I say that I kinda had my guard up walking into training camp. I didn’t know these people, and while I was so excited to get to know them, I had no idea what I was doing. I had spent the last year of my life stalking their social media accounts and it felt so crazy that I was actually going to meet them. I was scared of being real with these people because I didn’t trust them yet. I didn’t want to get labeled as the over-emotional girl, or the loud girl, or the competitive girl, or any of a hundred other things.
But there is nothing to gain by hiding. If I wanted community (which I really really did/do) I was going to have to get over my fears and just talk to people.
On the first night of camp I ended up shaving someone’s head. Talk about starting things off with a bang… (He lost what are the odds. I didn’t just walk up to one of my squad-mates and start shaving his head… I don’t think I would have made many friends that way). Everyone was still getting to know each other, and this was one of the things that really broke the ice.
Another night my squad had some “squad time” which meant we got the opportunity to hang out at our campsite together, build a campfire, and make dinner ourselves- we had chicken and vegetables! (For those of you who are concerned, the chicken was precooked, we just added seasoning, added the vegetables and heated everything over the fire). We also worshiped together and some of our amazing leaders even brought stuff to make s’mores! We all just spent time together getting to know one another, and it was great! This was one of my favorite memories from camp.
After our door-to-door evangelism activity, my whole squad got to go out to eat together, (all 27 of us at one restaurant) it was great. We were all at one big table and we just shared a meal together. When we got back to camp we all got to sit around and share stories from our time evangelizing earlier that day and just laugh at the funny goofy things that had happened, and we got to spend time recognizing the cool God things that happened too. While this time was structured and planned by our leadership, it didn’t feel like a formal debrief. It felt like a connected group of people just swapping stories.
Another cool thing that happened was that I got to share my testimony with a few people on my squad and I had several people share their testimony with me as well. I’ve shared my testimony before, but never with people who didn’t know anything about me. I was nervous but it was also a wonderful time of reciprocated vulnerability. (I obviously didn’t have a photo of this but here is a picture of my whole squad together!)
Our squad also got to work on a choreographed dance for squad wars together. It was fun to collaborate and work together in preparation for squad wars. (Side note: our squad KILLED) We all got to work together as a team and it really paid off.
Throughout the week I also got to pray with people, encourage people, be encouraged by people, serve them, love them, be loved by them, point them back to the Father, and be pointed back to the Father.
Little by little throughout camp I got to grow closer with this new family that God gave me. Where I was at first uncomfortable, I became comfortable. Where I was at first nervous, I become more bold. People stopped feeling like strangers faster than I’d thought they would.
On our last full day of camp, our squad mentor brought our whole squad together and we went back over the covenant we signed when we applied to the World Race. This was a promise to ourselves, to the Lord, but also to our squad/teammates. Jeremy (my squad mentor) brought out a table and a chair and told us that the act of physically doing something is powerful. We reread the covenant that we were going to be living under for the next year of our lives, then one by one, we each sat down at the table and signed our names to that covenant. When we were done, we stood up and walked down a line of all of our leaders and fellow squamates and we made them a promise: I’m saying yes.
The first person we said that to was Jeremy and in response he told us: I’m going to fight for you.
“Morgan, I’m going to fight for you.”
I wasn’t ready for that. I felt so close with these people already but I was still feeling out this whole community thing. I’d never been asked to hold someone accountable to something like this, or asked anyone to hold me accountable either.
But in that moment, I felt seen, not just by Jeremy, but also by God and by my squad. I felt so deeply understood in that moment. No matter how much I ran or tried to hide or how ever many walls I build up, no one was going to leave me there. No one was going to count me as a lost cause. I belonged to this community, and I was wanted in this community.
It was freeing. But also like- thats how God always sees me (and you), it just took me seeing it in the people around me, for me to really see it in the Lord. He showed me who He was through the community that He was building around me. I think He has a funny sense of humor that He brings clarity to us when we least expect it.
God sees me, all of me. He isn’t running, or ignoring the parts of me that He doesn’t like. He doesn’t tell me that I’m too emotional, too loud, too competitive, or anything else. He made me, and He isn’t going to leave me out in the cold for being difficult. He isn’t going to coddle me, but he also isn’t going to be harsh either.
Every yes that I gave to my squad was scary, because I really meant those yeses. Being open with so many new people was scary too, but some good things are scary. I promised participation, patience, and vulnerability. I promised to point people back to God and to be open for others to do the same for me. I’m excited to explore these friendships and to chase the Lord with the people around me.
A weight was lifted off me in those last days of camp. I am still trying to figure out this whole community thing, but I feel hopeful. I’m going to be doing life with these people for the next year, but more than that, I can already tell that these friendships are going to last well beyond the Race. The Bible repeatedly calls us into community and for the most part, I’ve failed at that. Now I feel that push from the Lord calling me to just say yes and embrace it.
This isn’t a trip consisting of 27 different individuals, this is the body, coming together, to follow His will. I’m still learning what that means but I’m so thankful for the gift the Lord has given me in this new family that I get to be a part of.
Much love,
Morgan
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