Recently the Lord has been showing me just how controlled I am by the opinions of others. How I dress, what I say (or don’t say), how I worship, and even what I believe have all been influenced by my fear of man that have sometimes trumped my Holy Spirit/God given convictions.
Sometimes when I worship I feel like dancing- like really all-out dancing, but I don’t because what if people look at me weird? What if I’m distracting to others?
I experienced and witnessed things while overseas that I have chosen not to share for fear that others wouldn’t agree. I stopped sharing testimonies of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness because what if I offend people- specifically people in the Church?
Over the last few months I have experienced more freedom in this area of my life than I thought possible and I have actually got to step out in really fun ways and put to death my dependence on the approval of others in exchange for approval from my Father in Heaven.
So, in the spirit on wanting to kill my fear of man even more, I want to share with you a few things that I have gotten to do recently that I have been self-conscious about but that the Lord has brought freedom to.
I grew my armpit hair out and dyed it blue!
Why? I don’t know! But it felt fun and freeing and in a really silly way, God taught me that I don’t need the approval of anyone but Him, and He, surprisingly, He doesn’t care about my armpit hair (Shocking).
(For those of you who are truly disgusted, fear not, they have since been shaved, but also, have you ever wondered why it bothers you so much?)
I finally got a dreadlock!
Secretly (or not so secretly), I have wanted dreadlocks since I was in middle school, but everyone has always told me not to get them because it wouldn’t look good on me, or that it would destroy my hair. Those might be valid points, but what has kept me from trying it for so long has been fear that people would disapprove or judge me for having dreadlocks. So, when presented with the idea recently, God told me to not to worry about what anyone else would think and to just jump- and I did!
I’m told that the longer I have it, the nicer it will look, but I’m super happy with it right now.
I’ve started wearing clothes that I like!
In Romania I bought a pink wind-suit, which I love, and for the first time I started actually wearing it!
I’ve also started wearing my ascots again, which was something that I hesitated to wear before because I always feared that people would think that I was being super extra and over the top.
I’ve started setting healthy boundaries because I’ve learned my value is set by the Lord and not by man.
God has been showing me my limits and its been revolutionary. I’ve taken time to rest more and I’ve grown in my ability to not attach my worth to my works (or others opinions of my work ethic to my worth).
I got to dance with the Lord during worship!
Even though people could see me, The Lord and I got to dance during worship a few days ago and it was amazing. I found a little corner for myself, closed my eyes, and got to dance and spin around with the Lord. It felt like we were the only two people in the world, it felt like real, unadulterated, worship.
When I was done, I was half embarrassed, until I took a second to think about every time I have ever been able to witness others dance in worship. I have always watched with a little bit of jealousy because all of the joy and the freedom that they seemed to have- because thats what I wanted. Now I get to have it! All it took was me closing my eyes and prioritizing being with the Lord over the opinions of others.
I am sharing testimonies that the Lord has given me!
On my Race the Lord allowed me to learn more about Him and to receive the gift of speaking in Tongues. This was one of the most intimate and personal things that the Lord walked me through on my Race, and I was scared to share it with people. NO MORE! I wrote an entire blog about it- you can find it HERE if you want a sneak peak. For everyone else, I will be posting it later this month. (It’s kinda long so prepare yourself).
I feel like I understand my worth so much more than I did a few months ago. I feel a freedom to just go and be, I feel like I have a new understanding of what it means to accept and hear the opinions of others, without being rocked to the core by them. And don’t hear me wrong, I am not trying to preach a doctrine of rejecting the wisdom and advice of others, but what I am saying is that where as the words and opinions of others used to set my worth and value, now only the Lord does that for me. I think that as I am ‘losing my fear of man’, I am gaining my identity in Christ. He calls me beloved and He died for me, so who cares if some people don’t like that I dyed my armpit hair blue for a few months? That’s so unimportant. Along with my fear of man, God is also putting to death the shame that I’ve been carrying.
Christ offers us all actual freedom, but that freedom requires faith and trust in Him. Is there an area of your life where you are being controlled by your fear of others? What does God say about it? What are you going to do about it?
Much Love,
Morgan
I need to say thank you. When I left home on Dec. 30th I had around $7,500, which was my goal to reach before leaving home. BUT THEN in the week after leaving home, I received an anonymous $2,000 donation AND I was awarded a $1,000 scholarship! Right now I have a little less than $5,000 to raise before I am fully funded! If you feel led to give, tax deductible donations can be made at the top of this blog! The Lord is a provider and He has provided for me through all of you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for joining me in this journey.
Already in this past week of being on the field here in Georgia we have already seen the Lord move in amazing ways. My team and I have been able to partner with the Atlanta Mission for the past few days and we were able to help provide breakfast, lunch, and dinner to people in precarious situations. During that time our host has also provided us with materials to make and distribute ‘blessing bags’ (blankets, socks, jackets, snacks, etc.) and we were able to pass our around 25 bags to people that we met on the street along with coffee of course! (If you’re interested in giving towards the purchase and distribution of blessing bags let me know! This is a ministry that our team would love to continue in every area that we are working in).
As always, I invite you to make my journey, your journey. Here are four simple ways:
- The most important, PRAY.
- Donate. (If you feel lead, please click the ‘Donate!’ button at the top of the page to support what the Lord is doing in my life right now.)
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