I’m currently sitting in my room re-installing software and apps to my freshly revamped computer.
And let me tell you I’m not happy about it.
Over the weekend I was in California for one of my best friend’s wedding and when I got on the plane my computer decided it hated me and it craped out, AGAIN, the same problem as the last time.
So I took it to the Apple store and they fixed it but when I got home and opened up my computer everything was gone. This was not what I was expecting. And they told me there is no way to get anything back. Thousands of pictures and videos and documents, all gone. Thousands of memories lost to the black hole of my computer. And I was furious.
If you know me, you know that I am always taking pictures, documenting everything. I’m the annoying friend with the camera. So when I say thousands of pictures, I mean it.
Where am I going with this?
Well first of all I now know that I will ACTUALLY be using my external hard drive to backup my computer, instead of procrastinating.
But it was a moment of God reminding me to prioritize and let go.
I like to be in control.
I hold on to memories and people and ideas and dreams with white knuckled grips.
And time and time again God wrenches it from my grip and points me in a different direction. Time and time again he says ‘Look Morgan, you need to think about my plans for you. You need to give me the control, let me run the show!’
And time and time again I say ‘No thanks I got this!’ And then I get lost. I get lost and I miss out on God’s bigger plan.
I hold onto the people and dreams and plans that I want and I hold so tight and focus on those things so intensively that I lose sight of what God wants for me.
Time and time again the bible says ‘Hand the reigns over to God, He’s got this!’
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
But I just keep holding on with white knuckles. And once again I’m disappointed in myself because I miss out on God’s plans.
Recently goodbyes have been a theme in my life as I have been preparing for the Race and friends move off to adulthood and the real world. I have caught myself white knuckle grasping at the memories and the people, worrying, worrying, worrying, and holing on.
But I don’t need to do that.
The times that I have let God take control, amazing things have happened.
I was scared of leaving all my high school friends and family and moving so far away for school and God put amazing people in my life who have been great friends.
My plans for being a doctor fell apart and God put a Wedding internship in my path which inspired a business degree.
My plans to do grad school became less realistic and appealing and God put the World Race in my path.
God’s plans have been bigger and better than anything I could have dreamed of.
God sees what I’m holding on to with white knuckles and he rips it from my grasp and replaces it with something fantastic.
In this season of change, this season of goodbyes and see-you-laters, I’m holding on to things that God wants me to let go of. I’m holding on to things that need to change.
This season of preparing for the World Race is teaching me to put more and more trust in God. I’ve been holding on to things so hard because I have no idea what’s in store this next year. I don’t know what I’ll encounter or how I’ll change or what will happen back at home while I’m gone.
The one thing I can depend on is that its all God’s plan. It’s all in his hands and whatever He’s doing even if it’s chaos in the moment it has a purpose. Even if I feel out of control, (even if I lose thousands of photographic memories) He is in control.
As I often end my journal entries.
Let it go, God’s got this.
