This morning I woke up with the intentions of going to Passion City Church in Atlanta. However, through a series of events, God spoke to me that I needed to go have church by myself in a kayak. My soul craves adventure and exploration, so I was excited for the opportunity. I quickly got dressed, grabbed my PB&J (pen, Bible, and journal), and headed out the door.
I absolutely love water in every form. Give me rivers, lakes, streams, oceans, rain, ice, snow; I will take it! I see God the most through water. However, I am terrified of it. I never go out on the water alone, I refuse to swim in deep water without something I can grab onto, and I am always scared of the things that I might encounter in it. Somehow, I had forgotten about that in the midst of my rushing out of the door. So, as I started paddling out, my heart began to race.
I had rushed out the door in excitement to go kayaking with God, but when I got out there fear instantly consumed me. It is windy today and the water was tossing my kayak all around. I realized that I had forgotten to grab a life jacket in case of an emergency. I started to wonder if kayaks had plugs on the bottom, if the plug was open, if I was taking in water, and if I was going to sink. I worried about that big fish I saw and if he would come and capsize my boat. There were just a lot of things that could go wrong. So, I decided that I would stay close to the shoreline, where I could still see my house, and get to safety if I needed to. I cranked up my podcast and tried to trick my mind into thinking that I was sitting on my bed.
After 10 minutes of that, God shut the podcast off. I knew exactly why He did it, but He told me anyways. “Morgan, if you are going to do what you’ve always done, then you are going to get what you’ve always gotten. Come deeper with Me.”
I’m always one of the first people to raise my hand when adventure starts calling. However, I am also always one of the first people to get terrified when I realize just how small I am and how intimidating adventure can be sometimes. The idea of going out fills me with excitement, but so many times I find myself in Peter’s shoes. I rush out for adventure with the Lord, realize just what I’ve done, and start sinking in the thoughts of what could go wrong.
Recently, God has been challenging me to seek Him out in new ways. Through it, I have encountered His Spirit more than I ever have before. Peter showed great faith to step out of that boat and I think the Lord was more pleased with that than we think. However, I want to train my mind to forget about the fear of failure and run into the fullness of what my Father has for me.
So, I started furiously paddling out to deeper waters. The sun beamed down on my face, the wind rushed through my hair, and I began singing “Oceans” at the top of my lungs. I am sure the fishermen really appreciated that. Before I knew it, I had paddled out further in the lake than I had ever gone with friends or with a life jacket with me. My kayak was still bumping around, but I really didn’t care that much anymore. I had stopped focusing on my escape plans/false securities and started focusing on being in my Father’s hands.
I have had some uncertain things pop up in my life lately that absolutely terrify me. I have found myself wanting to paddle in the other direction or coast along the shore line. I’ve been putting up my own shields instead of letting my father be the one who guards me. I want to be the fearless one that not only runs out to the water, but dives into the depths of it and swims out with no reservations. It isn’t easy, but I don’t want easy. So, here’s to diving deeper!
“A ship is safe in the harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.”
“You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior”
