I’ve prayed it a million times, “Lord, I want to live a radical life. I want more faith. You can have everything; I just want more of you!”
However, that prayer in itself is worth nothing, unless I am willing to walk it out.
As most of you know, I quit my job and sold the majority of my things to follow God on an incredible adventure around the world. It was one of the wisest decisions I have ever made. Much like how students go off to college to “find themselves”, I went on the World Race and discovered who I was in Christ. It was the first time that I felt completely free to be me. God stirred up passions in my heart that I never knew I had. My heart was broken for people all around the world that don’t know the love of the Father. My heart gets stirred up by my complacent generation, drowning in the American dream. My heart aches for women that are in bondage from past hurts and lies.
So, it is no surprise that I didn’t return to “life as normal” when I got home. Instead, God led me to Gainesville, GA to continue serving with Adventures in Missions. I have been wrecked for the ordinary and there is no turning back. I know God has placed these passions on my heart for a reason and that He is going to continue to open doors to fulfill them.
Ever since I moved to Georgia, I have been wrestling with how I am going to pay my car payments. I am currently living off of $200 a month, so it was not a debt I could carry by myself. I felt like God was telling me to sell my car, which wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. I have given up just about everything I have to follow Him, so why can’t I keep the car? It really didn’t sound like too much to ask for.
I mean, if I sell my car, I will lose the last shred of stability and control that I have left. It is terrifying.
After reciting “I am not called to live in a spirit of fear” a million times, I somehow ended up driving my car back to Texas to sell it to some guy on craigslist. However, when I got to Texas, I found out his phone number didn’t work and he stopped answering my emails. It was like the guy didn’t even exist. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do and started considering moving back home. I could get a paying job, be there for my family, pay my car off in a few months, and go to school in NY. It was a really appealing option.
I was feeling pretty home free, when I received a text message from a friend….
“Have you sold your car yet? My husband is at the bank, we will take it.”
I had a check, before they even saw the car.
Tell me that isn’t God!
I wish that I could say that I lived happily debt-free ever after, but that was not how I felt for the next few days. Every time I saw a Nissan, I cried. Letting go of that car resembled me letting go of a lot. It was the biggest step of faith I have ever taken and I was scared. I know God is good and I wanted to rest in His promises, but fear kept creeping in.
It took an hour and a half long phone call, a lot of time reading scripture, and a 2 hour long worship session for me to let it go. I had to realize that it was stupid for me to mourn the loss of my car. God sold that car because He has something so much greater for me ahead. So, why the heck am I wallowing in self-pitty?! That is like crying because someone took my quarter and gave me a hundred dollars; it just doesn’t make sense!
I am so excited for what is ahead. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I know it is going to be incredible. In order to live a radical life, we need to make radical decisions in faith. I know God had me sell my car, because He has something so much better up ahead! I am so blessed to be on this journey with Him and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.” – William Shedd
