There are all kinds of moments that make up life on the race. Moments where you laugh so hard you may actually pee your pants, or moments where your whole body is racked with pain from physically demanding labor usually paired with not a lot of sleep. Some moments make you want to cry from pure joy or go home from pure frustration. There are the unforgettable moments and the moments that you will try and forget for the rest of your life.
Then there are the moments that break your heart. Whether the moment be beautiful or painful, it breaks your heart nonetheless. And from that moment on you are just different. Most of the time you don’t know how and you don’t know why because it is something you just feel. You feel changed.
It was our last night in Santo Domingo Xenacoj, Guatemala, and It was my last night at home. In typical world race fashion, we had the perfect recipe for an unforgettable night. We through fireworks at each other in the street. blasted our american music so loud so that the whole town could probably hear while having a full blown dance battle, and our host family made 11 homemade pizzas for only 20 people.
Through the dancing and stuffing our face full of pizza, we were happy. We were home. But like every goodbye, the laughing and loud music faded away and were replace with many tears. Goodbyes are never easy, especially when it comes to family.
I managed to protect my heart as I hugged Dilan and Natalie, even though they both cried. I still kept my composure as I said goodbye to my host parents who I love so much, German and Susie. Throughout all of my goodbyes, I only cried a little. This family already held so much of my heart and I was dead set on not letting them have any more.
But the entire time I knew what was coming and I couldn’t prepare myself. I had to say goodbye to Emily. I had to say goodbye to all of our nights spent playing basketball, sitting and talking on the fountain, watching movies, hanging out in her room, cooking together, and just living together. Emily wasn’t just a member of my host family, she was one of my best friends.
So when she walked over crying to me, I couldn’t protect my heart anymore. We hugged and didn’t let go. We cried and didn’t stop. And out of everything she said to me, one thing will follow me for the rest of my life. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Thank you?
Why would she say thank you? What did I ever do for her? What did I ever give her? Why is she thankful for me?
In that moment, what was left of my heart broke. I am not the same. And the reason was because God used Emily to teach me about His love.
Sure I loved and served my host family, but I did not do anything for them other than be myself. That was more than enough for that family. In my entire life, I have only come across a few people who loved me as much as this family loved me, just for being myself. Emily simply loved me for me. I didn’t have to do anything else.
In that moment, God was allowing me a glimpse into His love for me, and His love for all of us. This is why he became flesh. This is why He died on that cross. This is why He rose. Not because of anything we could or would do. Not because He needed us. But because He loves us. Because He loves me.
