I have not written a blog in quite some time. I don’t really know what to say to you all. You are my friends, family, you are my supporters. You helped me get here and I am so thankful for you, I want to tell you about all the the things that God has done this year and the time is coming quickly and before we know it I will be before you with something to say. for some reason I have not been able to say anything lately and I think part of my problem is the shame that I feel for my feelings of coming home.
I don’t have any desire to come back to Stockton and stay there for any length of time. There I said it. My heart does not want to come home. But my head tells me that I have to. By month nine most racers are just ready to be home. The glamour of the race has worn off. I want to tell you that I am not out of love with this life style. I like living out of a back pack because it is much simpler. I really do enjoy drinking instant coffee and not having wifi accessible. Washing my clothes by hand in a bucket is really not that much of a problem for me. Cold showers are actually kind of appealing.
This life has not lost its appeal on me and I don’t know why. I have had international missions spoken over me for many years by the Lord and I do not believe that the end of the race will be the end of my journey overseas. God has been very clear to me by telling me that I am going home for a season and that does not make me excited at all. I like the idea of coming home to my family for a while, but beyond that my desires revolve around the rest of the globe and not America. I know American’s need Jesus desperately, they need a relationship with their Saviour and I know this. This breaks my heart. I have asked for God to show me how to love home, but I am at a loss. Maybe this will come later and I will get off the plane and have it! I don’t know. We will see.
I will be home before Thanksgiving and that is less than three months away. I want to be able to come back to church with joy and excitement, but the thought of going to my huge church and wearing shoes in that church seems really foreign to me. The thought of going home to drive thru windows and car in every garage seems foreign to me.
But, I will go home and I will serve at home because that is what Jesus wants for my life. I trust that his plan for me is incredible and so much greater than anything else I could even dream of. So I will book my plane ticket home soon and I will be there with joy, because if I have learned nothing else this year it is how to choose joy. I will choose Jesus because he chose me. This is short and sweet. I just want you to know my heart before I lean into month nine.
We are in Thailand! It is incredible here and I can not wait to tell you all about it!
Prayer requests:
My heart as I wrap up the race- as you read above I feel like my heart is being torn into tiny pieces all the time.
My team- we are on a new team and that is always awkward at first, so pray for us that we would bond quickly and that we would become family.
I am leading my second team and this team is very different from my last. Pray that the Lord would impart wisdom on me and that I would have rest when needed and time with Papa and my girls.
