“I have failed in everything especially the attempt to find me. I walk blindly through the dark, searching for, I don’t know what. Something to fill the emptiness. There is a light to guide me, yet I choose not to follow. I am not good enough to be in that light. Through I know it will accept me. Darkness is all I see, all it is, is reality.” (From my journal, December 4, 1995)
When I was 14 my life was consumed with depression, bulimia, suicidal thoughts, and toxic friendships. Although I had truly committed my life to Christ the summer before, all I could think about at that point was death. I was slowly killing my self, constantly longing for God, yet running further and further from Him.
As my freshman year came to a close the darkness was consuming and there was no end in sight. I had signed up for our youth group Mexico mission trip, because on the outside I was the perfect cookie cutter youth group girl, and going on mission trips was a part of maintaining that image.
From the moment our youth group arrived in El Pipula (a poor part of Tijuana) God’s light begin to break into my life. It sounds cliché but I fell in love. The children were beautiful, joyful and excited about everything we did at the Vacation Bible School we led. The church members received our group with warm hospitality. I was in heaven, it just happened to be populated by tiny shacks, dirt streets lined with garbage and lots of mangy dogs.
Me in Mexico at Age 14
God used that trip to break through the darkness, “He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (Psalm 40:1b-2) I was continually struck by the fact that I had grown up with everything I could ever want materially, yet was so sad and here were people who had so little and yet managed to find the joy that God gives to those who follow Him.
The passion for Missions that first gripped me on that trip never left me; it’s what brought me back to Mexico last week. Back to the exact same church, Nueva Vida, in El Pipula, to work on learning more Spanish before spending 4 months ministering in Latin American countries. While in Mexico I had a long talk with Efrain, the pastor of Nueva Vida, and a friend of mine. He said, “Morgan, I would like for our church to support you financially. To often the Mexican church receives from Americans, I think it will be good for the church to be a part of the vision God has given you by supporting you.”
As I stood next to Efrain and looked over the lights of El Pipula, tears begin to fill my eyes. How amazing that God would use the church I went to on my first ever mission trip to support me on the World Race!
