On Saturday morning I was at a prayer meeting and we all shared one thing that God had done in our lives this past year that we were thankful for. As I started to speak I was overwhelmed by how much God has done in my life this year. A year ago November was a very low time for me.
A relationship that I though was going to end in marriage had abruptly ended; problem after problem was surfacing at work and I didn’t have the energy to combat them, I was tired all the time and tried everything possible to numb the pain. I felt chained down and was not able to use my gifts, or find my voice. Day after day I sobbed to God, asking him to take the hurt, wondering if the season of heart wrenching pain would ever end.
Over the last six months God has brought me into such an amazing new season! Through the pain God amplified my ability to
empathize with others. He has increased my confidence, strengthened my voice, filled my life with wonderful friendships and released me to do mission work. God has healed my heart, I’m so grateful now that the relationship I was in didn’t end in marriage. God had a plan
for me beyond my wildest dreams called the World Race.
One of the things I am most thankful for is the pain that God allowed me to experience last year. I’ve discovered, through my most difficult seasons, that it’s ok to be angry at God. I would rather be angry at him than walking away from him. One of my professors, Jerry Sittser used to say, “Being angry with God is like throwing mud at the sun, you aren’t going to hurt the sun.”
When I am angry at God he often gives me the image of myself as a seven year old child, pounding my small fists on my daddy’s huge chest. He doesn’t leave me in the struggle; he just wraps his arms around me, hugging me until I tire. When I’ve poured out all my passionate anger and can no longer stand, God scoops me up and places me on his lap until true rest comes.
