I am super hard on my self. I’ve always struggled with feeling like I don’t meet my own expectations. During our team debrief meeting in Niagara my entire group agreed that I judge my self way too harshly. Most of the time my outlandish expectations aren’t put on me by some one else, I create them my self.
The other night all 25 world racers in Lima were putting together an assembly for elementary school kids. Jimmy, who was the key planner, asked if I would be willing to give the gospel message at the end of the assembly. We were invited to share about Christ by the principal of the school, which is still hard for me to wrap my head around because that would never happen in the United States.
Kids at the school.
I LOVE sharing about Christ so I agreed then hesitated. I immediately wondered if some one else would be better for the job, someone better with kids, or someone who is more creative, pretty much anyone. Jimmy reassured me that I was the right person so I started to plan.
I wanted everything to be perfect, so I spent hours laying out verses, praying about what to share, and thinking of the most concise, interesting, sequential, creative, etc., way to condense the entire Bible into a 10 min. presentation. Finally around 11 pm I decided that what I had done was enough and watched an episode of the O.C before drifting off into a dog and rooster interrupted sleep.
In the morning I found out that instead of just presenting at one school, we would be presenting at two and that the first school would have kids from age 7-18. Talk about a challenge. When we got to the school a group led off with a wonderful drama that powerfully presents how Jesus takes on our infirmities. Before I even begin there was so much distraction in the place. The kids were squashed together, it was right before lunch, and they were riled up.
The Drama
I presented what I had prepared and honestly it didn’t go very well. Some of the kids were listening and attentive, but a lot of them were just excited for lunch. About 30 students raised their hands to receive Christ into their hearts for the first time, but I felt dejected, because things didn’t run perfectly. Of course I blamed my self; I wasn’t dynamic, I wasn’t good, I wasn’t interesting. After speaking I was tired and didn’t really want to go to the second school.
Speaking at the first school.
When we walked up to the next school everything was different. The kids were attentive, there was a different spiritual climate at the school and the kids weren’t sardined into a small courtyard. When I went to give the message almost every student was tuned in and at the end of the time about 40-50 kids gave their lives to Jesus. I was so excited, everything ran smoothly, the kids surrounded me afterwards asking questions and telling me what they had learned from the talk.
Ryan drawing an illustration for the talk.
Later when I was reflecting on the experience I realized something simple but profound. It’s not about me! It’s not about how well I prepare or how dynamic I am. It’s about God showing these beautiful kids how much he loves them. God just chose to use me in that process. I gave the exact same talk, one felt like it bombed and the other felt amazing. It proved to me that how a ministry goes sometimes has nothing to do with the minister. Definitely a lesson I needed to learn.
With some kids from the second school.
The night after the presentations I was given some hand written notes from kids at the second school. They are priceless! Here is a rough translation of a note from Luis Fernando a boy I really connected with after the assembly.
“Hi Morgan, I love you a lot, thank you for taking a picture with me…Do you remember me, this is Luis you know me from today at school. Hugs and kisses. Your friend Luis…I received Christ in my heart, thank you for sharing him with me!”
Luis and me!
P.S. If you are interested in reading all about our last race through Lima, Peru check out Emilie’s blog at she does a great job telling about our death defying Ocean swim, eating cow hearts, and running through China Town.
http://emiliejanson.theworldrace.org/index.asp?filename=race-number-three
