All through high school one of the things that frustrated me the most was when a leader would say, “We need some strong guys to move ____________.” It could be anything, a table, chairs, a couch, etc. What ever it was it made me frustrated that they had to have strong guys to move it. I always jumped in and “proved” that women could be strong and help. Fortunately I’ve always been physically strong and didn’t throw out my back or anything. Most of the time now when the guys are called to move something I’m happy to let them work while continuing to chat with my friends. What I’ve realized lately is that my need to prove my strength, abilities and independence goes much deeper then I ever though.
I have this constant struggle, it’s shown up in so many different forms in my life and it just resurfaced this week. It’s the struggle of independence, not getting it, but holding on to it until it’s unhealthy. I hate asking people (besides my immediate family) for anything, one of my most deep rooted fears is that I will be too much to handle if I have a need. I’m not talking about asking people for massive undoable things, but asking when I have a legitimate need.
Because of my chronic need for independence I had my trip to Mexico all worked out in my head. I was going to ride the coaster (a train) down to San Diego and from there take a trolley to the border. At that point I would walk over the border, by my self, with my bags in tow and wait for my Mexican friends to pick me up. Not my most genius idea (single, white, female with all her stuff for the week on her back by her self in a bad area where their have been reported kidnappings) but I could do it by my self, and that’s what was important to me.
Through a warning from Chris, the drain repair guy, God convicted me. What I felt like God was asking me to do was call one of my guy friends and ask them to drive me down to Mexico, walk me over the border and wait with me until my ride came. Honestly my throat was dry as called Adam to see if he would be willing to help and thankfully he was!
(Adam, My sister Molly and I at the Zoo this summer)
I don’t think I’m the only one who has struggled with an independence at all costs mentality. In 1st Corinthians 12, Paul calls Christians the body of Christ and explains how every part needs every other part in order to survive. “If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.” (1 Corinthians 12:26) Christianity was never meant to be a do it your self project. The American church is so far from this reality. We have become so into independence that we have forgotten the amazing gift of community that God wants to give us.
