The other night after young adults group, I was talking to some old friends, who I hadn’t seen since before the trip. They asked what I was up to and where I was living. Simple questions but, I had trouble thinking of a good response. So instead of my usual answer where I launch into a ten minute speech justifying why my life isn’t moving ahead at lightning speed, I told the truth.
“I’m homeless and jobless.” Before those words escaped my mouth, I thought saying them would give me a sense of shame, but the raw honesty was actually exhilarating. Since being back in the U.S. nothing has worked out the way I envisioned it, my plans were to have a home and a job all by January 1st. Instead, through no fault of our own, the place that Molly and I were all ready to rent fell though, and my job search is taking longer than I had originally envisioned.
(In New Mexico, riding on a 4 wheeler with, Stacey)
Despite my plans being wrecked, I’m actually learning to enjoy this time in my life. Many of my previous roles like, youth director or World Race team leader, which I used to base my identity on, have been stripped away. Before, when people asked questions about what I do, where I live, etc. I always had the right response, now I don’t have any answers.
All my life it’s been easier for me to focus on what I do, not who I am. Doing is such a huge part of our society. I love what Seth Barnes, the founder of Adventures in Missions, wrote in his blog about identity vs. role.
“What I’ve discovered is that most people would rather focus on their role first (thus creating a “false self”). But a disciple of Jesus must get clear about his or her identity first or their perception of their role will intrude on their understanding of their identity. You are not a fireman or a stockbroker, a mom, or a husband. These are roles you may fulfill; things you occasionally do with your time.
If you’re a follower of Christ, 2 Cor. 5:17 teaches you’re “a new creation.” You’ve got a new identity as a citizen of his kingdom. So, an essential part of following him is understanding that identity.” ( www.sethbarnes.com)
(Emilie and me in New Mexico this weekend, trying to act mean)
What I’ve realized through this struggle is that who I am in Christ is unchanging; no matter what I’m doing. Lately God wakes me up every morning, asks me to spend time with Him, and then gives me one simple command, “Love the people I put in your path today.” Sounds easy, but for someone like me who likes structure; it’s harder than it seems.
I know that eventually things will come together. At the moment I’m enjoying a long weekend with some World Racers in New Mexico. Soon I’ll have a job again, Molly and I will finally move into our place, and life will rush on. I’m learning to be thankful for this intermission. I’m grateful that God is not letting me forget what I’ve learned last year, even if it means wrecking my plans!
(Emilie, me, Molly and Adam at Sea World last week.)
(Touching a dolphin at Sea World, check out the cool NightLight bracelet)
