A while ago, a pastor friend of mine made the point that
your not really single until you reach a certain age – the age that people
expect you to be married. Well somewhere
in the last few years I got there. Ugh!
your not really single until you reach a certain age – the age that people
expect you to be married. Well somewhere
in the last few years I got there. Ugh!
The
other day I was working at home when the Kirby vacuum guy rang the
doorbell. Never one to deny the pleasure
of watching someone else clean I invited the young, nice looking guy, into my
house. He was genuinely excited about
the product, and I was stoked about anything that would get dog hair out of my
carpet.
other day I was working at home when the Kirby vacuum guy rang the
doorbell. Never one to deny the pleasure
of watching someone else clean I invited the young, nice looking guy, into my
house. He was genuinely excited about
the product, and I was stoked about anything that would get dog hair out of my
carpet.
(Why the rugs needed cleaning)
For
a while our conversation was flowing along just fine, then the inevitable
happened. He took a detour from safe
subjects like bed mites (part of the sales pitch, I swear) and dog dander and
asked my least favorite question of all time…
a while our conversation was flowing along just fine, then the inevitable
happened. He took a detour from safe
subjects like bed mites (part of the sales pitch, I swear) and dog dander and
asked my least favorite question of all time…
“Why
are you still single?”
are you still single?”
My very
loud internal monologue sounded something like this, “So glad you asked,
actually it’s because I have 12 toes… on my forehead! Guess it just freaks guys out.”
loud internal monologue sounded something like this, “So glad you asked,
actually it’s because I have 12 toes… on my forehead! Guess it just freaks guys out.”
Instead
of actually saying that I respond with the pat answer, “Well I just
haven’t met the right guy yet.”
of actually saying that I respond with the pat answer, “Well I just
haven’t met the right guy yet.”
“I
mean, your cool and all, I’m just surprised,” that comment along with the fact
that he was on hands and knees cleaning my floor almost redeemed him.
mean, your cool and all, I’m just surprised,” that comment along with the fact
that he was on hands and knees cleaning my floor almost redeemed him.
Then,
as if singleness is an infection that might be cured with the right remedy he
suggested, “maybe you just don’t get out enough.”
as if singleness is an infection that might be cured with the right remedy he
suggested, “maybe you just don’t get out enough.”
I
kept my mouth shut, as defensive thoughts coursed through me… thanks for the
assessment of my life buddy, really I love when strangers tell me my issues. I invited you in here to clean my rugs, not
give me a life assessment. Oh gosh, wait;
I did just answer the door in my sweats at 2 pm. Shoot, he might have a point. I was working from home, really. Aw crap, what has my life come to?
kept my mouth shut, as defensive thoughts coursed through me… thanks for the
assessment of my life buddy, really I love when strangers tell me my issues. I invited you in here to clean my rugs, not
give me a life assessment. Oh gosh, wait;
I did just answer the door in my sweats at 2 pm. Shoot, he might have a point. I was working from home, really. Aw crap, what has my life come to?
Over
Christmas, I was talking with my parents and my mom decided to tell me her
theory on my singledom (sorry Mom, this is too funny not to share.) “Honey, you have got to switch churches,
yours just isn’t working for you.”
Christmas, I was talking with my parents and my mom decided to tell me her
theory on my singledom (sorry Mom, this is too funny not to share.) “Honey, you have got to switch churches,
yours just isn’t working for you.”
“What
do you mean by that Mom?” I was honestly
perplexed.
do you mean by that Mom?” I was honestly
perplexed.
“Well you have been attending that church for 10 years and
you have yet to meet a guy you want to date there.” As my mom continued talking her latent
Southern accent came to the surface, “Honey, really, when the disciples didn’t
catch any fish on one side of the boat, Jesus told them to cast their nets on
the other side.”
you have yet to meet a guy you want to date there.” As my mom continued talking her latent
Southern accent came to the surface, “Honey, really, when the disciples didn’t
catch any fish on one side of the boat, Jesus told them to cast their nets on
the other side.”
“Mom, I’m pretty sure Jesus wasn’t talking about catching
men when he said that.” I still don’t
know if my mom’s words were a misuse of scripture or a glimmer of wisdom or
maybe some of both. Either way she made
me laugh.
men when he said that.” I still don’t
know if my mom’s words were a misuse of scripture or a glimmer of wisdom or
maybe some of both. Either way she made
me laugh.
I have it pretty good.
One of my close, very straight, friends whose been single for a long
time, recently had her Dad say it was ok if she was a lesbian, he would still
love her no matter what. Another friend
had her strong Christian parents suggest that she consider getting knocked up
so they could have a grandchild.
One of my close, very straight, friends whose been single for a long
time, recently had her Dad say it was ok if she was a lesbian, he would still
love her no matter what. Another friend
had her strong Christian parents suggest that she consider getting knocked up
so they could have a grandchild.
Needless to say, I did not shell out $1,200 for a
vacuum. At least I ended up with a very
clean floor and a great laugh at the absurdity that is single life.
vacuum. At least I ended up with a very
clean floor and a great laugh at the absurdity that is single life.
