It’s Saturday evening and I’m only half listening to the message that is being spoken in front of me because if one more mosquito lands on my leggings I am going to go running out of this room.
I had forgotten how horrible the mosquitoes were here in Barasat, probably because I had blocked it out, choosing only to remember the good things like garlic naan, rickshaw rides and the wonderful sweet children we worked with.
I glance over as one of those sweet children fidgets in their seat.
It was still hard to believe that I was there, seeing the familiar faces of the boys who were now turning into young men. But here I am, almost 4 years later, praying against mosquito bites in the name of Jesus and wracking my brain on how to make these boys small again.
Sorry, no growing up for you.
Less than a week ago, Kolkata wasn’t even on my radar. Well it was, but I was in Southern India praying for peace as I wrestled with the ache of being so close and yet so far away from a place I called home.
But the Lord is good. Oh so very good. And just as I settled into Hyderabad, gingerly handing over my wants and desires to Him, He gave them right back to me.
And 6 days later I was walking quite sleep deprived through the airport with my equally tired teammate Liz, welcoming the scented air that can only be described as Barasat’s, and making our way over to two of my friends from my old team who just so happened to be there for the next few days.
Have I mentioned how good the Lord is?
My original plan was to spend the weekend hanging out with the boys as much as possible, but on our drive over we found out that Asha Mission was holding a leadership conference at a hostel so that’s where everyone was going to be for the next two days.
I was a little disappointed to only be spending a few hours with the boys in between session breaks and meals, but seeing those faces light up made it all so very worth it.
And that is how I found myself in a room with 50 people listening to an American pastor from Indiana talk about Esther.
It was my turn to fidget in my seat as I eyed yet another mosquito bee lining for my kurta. Those mosquito coils could only keep them away for so long.
I tried my best to listen to Pastor Keith as he spoke but it’s hard not to drift off when you’ve heard the story of Esther so many times.
Not like I don’t love her because it’s an incredible true story.
Esther was brought into the kingdom of Susa after King Xerxes had thrown a party and his favorite queen had refused to come join when he asked. So he kicked her out. And in true Bachelor form, he held a contest. But instead of having around 25 women vying for his attention, he brought in over 120.
I’d love to have seen that rose ceremony.
Not too long after Esther gets chosen, her cousin Mordecai gets in trouble with the king’s right hand man Haman. Everyone was supposed to bow as Haman passed them, but Mordecai wouldn’t because he was a Jew and believed in only bowing before God, the only one worthy of such reverence.
Long story short, Haman throws a little boy tantrum and tricks Xerxes into having all of the Jews killed because of Mordecai.
Just a little extreme there, Haman.
But God had placed Esther in her place of power, for that moment, to help save her people, and she does.
As I tuned back in, Keith was talking about the conversation Mordecai had with Esther when he was asking her to talk to the king. She was pretty hesitant, with good reason.
Because of the last queen and her refusal to show up when Xerxes had asked, he had made it so no one could go before him unless he asks for them. And if someone was to show up and Xerxes didn’t point his golden scepter out to them, they were killed.
Now you know who Haman gets it from.
Finally Esther agrees, sending word to her cousin on what needs to be done before she goes to the king. She ends with, “And if I perish, I perish.”
As we know Esther doesn’t die, she finds favor with the king and is able to saves the Jews.
Haman is put to death though. Hung on the gallows he had built for Mordecai.
I’m telling you, read through the Old Testament, there are so many interesting stories.
Keith stays on those last few words that Esther said to Mordecai for a minute. “If I perish, I perish.” She was ready. She knew that God had put her in that place of power to save her people, and if she died in the process of doing that, she was ok with that. She was ready.
How many of us are ready?
As Keith wraps it up with that question, he calls all of the pastors to the front to pray over them since they were going back to their villages the next day. Prayers for travel and as they preach what they had been learning at the conference to their church members and surrounding villagers. Most importantly, prayers against the persecution they will face when they go home.
After some time, while the pastors of Asha continued to pray over the other pastors, Keith came down to where Liz and I were sitting and praying.
He told us of how in a village the other day they met a lady who’s husband was martyred because of his faith. He looks up at the pastors at the front of the room and then back at us.
“In America we learn about persecution for Christ. But here they walk through it. This is real for them.”
With that Keith walks away, unaware of how those words had just sucker punched me.
This is real for them.
In the States we learn about Christian persecution, but how many of us really go through it on a daily basis? I’m pretty sure the worst thing that could happen to me back home if I shared the gospel would be someone blowing me off, making fun or throwing some ugly words in my direction.
How many of us sing words about surrendering our everything to Christ and really understand what we are saying?
They do here.
They don’t know what they are going back to, but they know it won’t be easy. Their families have disowned them, some going a far as trying to kill them because of their faith in Christ. Some are beaten, others have to go into hiding, their children and spouses threatened.
I have met so many with those stories, but it wasn’t until I was looking at the men and women in front of me that it really hit me.
They were ready.
They didn’t know what was coming but they were ready.
They knew what the cost was for following Christ and saw it as worth it.
And my eyes filled with tears as I watched them up there, humbled by their obedience.
And I sat there questioning my own.
Sure I’m a missionary, I know what I am out here to do. But how far out of my comfort zone am I willing to go? How much of myself have I really been handing over to God for His glory?
Because right now I have bold men and women of God in front of me willing, while I sit here and complain about mosquitoes and a story that I’ve heard countless times that I have never really taken to heart.
I like the verse right before Esther talks, where Mordecai tells her that maybe she had been made queen to save her people. For “such a time as this.”
I can use that one.
God has put me on the World Race for such a time as this. To tell other people about Jesus.
But let’s just skip over that verse that talks about perishing.
Now I’m not saying that will happen while I am out here, but as followers of Christ we like to forget that part. To forget that when we step out boldly for the Lord that that is possible.
Do we not remember that Jesus died for us?
Carrying His own cross up a hill after being severely beaten up, fully aware of the nails that were awaiting Him when He reached the top.
He wanted to pick us up out of our mess and sin, to make us His own. So He took the full brunt of our sin so that it wouldn’t keep us away from Him anymore.
That’s love. That’s mercy. That’s grace.
But He didn’t do that so we could believe and put our trust in Him and just sit back down on the couch and do nothing.
Did you know that Jesus prayed for us?
Right before He was arrested, He prayed to the Father, for those who believed in who He was and those who didn’t.
In John 17: 20 He says “My prayer is not for them [believers] alone, I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message.
And again in verse 23 “….May they [believers] be brought together in full unity to let the world know that You sent Me and have loved them even as You love Me.”
It’s an action prayer. He expects us to move. To go out. To let those around us know about who Jesus is and what He has done for them.
When we have good news, do we ever want to keep it inside? I personally like to go running around telling everyone.
Jesus is good news. What He did for us is good news. And we are called to share that good news, to bring people in on something that is life changing. His love saves us.
But by all means let’s continue to keep that to ourselves, ignoring the person in front of us because we are scared of how they might react. While our brothers and sisters around the world are more than willing to take that step, aware of the persecution that can follow; greater than anything that we would ever go through.
Yet we are the one’s to hesitate.
I’m the one to hesitate.
As a follower of the One who saved my soul, I like to forget that this is what I have signed up for. Now there is a very good chance that I will never go through what my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ go through out here
But they are my reminder.
My reminder that I am to live boldly each day. That when the Lord lays someone on my heart to talk to that I need to go. That might be the only time they are to hear about Jesus and I am not going to be the one to deprive them of such a gift because of my comfort zone.
I’m technically not supposed to have a comfort zone anyway. Since when did I get called to live a comfortable life? But that’s another really long blog for another time.
My brothers and sisters are also my reminder on this trip that the little things that bother me hold no weight. There are followers who go through much worse than evil mosquitoes and power outages to share the gospel. Frankly our conditions on this trip are luxury.
May I never forget what the Lord reminded me of that day. It is an honor to be the hands and feet of Christ. It is an honor to share His love with others. He didn’t promise me an easy life. It is going to be tough. But He is with me always. And through it all, no matter what happens, if even just one person comes to know the love of Christ?
Oh man is it worth it all.
