It may seem silly to publicize this, but this is a real thing on the race: women gain weight and men loose it. Though this has bothered me, what bothers me more is that I am loosing muscle and will have to work my way back up to be able climb specific mountains when I get home. The other night I sort of broke down about it… (No shame here!)
It brought me to the question, “where does my strength come from?” Do I truly believe it comes from The Lord, or do I think I can do something because of how I have prepared for it? Therefore, I wrote this question down and left it open ended for God to continue to show me the answer.
The next day Alyssa, also known as Q, and I went on an adventure to explore the mountains behind the church. We walked past the church and found ourselves at a drop off overlooking a river down the way. We decided to walk down by the river. It was such a peaceful walk. We were really into our conversation, but as we walked down by the river I noticed in the distance the back of an animal that honestly looked like a lion to me! Straight up a lion! I said “Q do you see that?! What is that?!” This is when we should have walked away. What she saw was two other animals that looked like a cow and a horse. In reality, by some mutant nature, all three were massive dogs. Next, our whiten skin must have drawn their attention because they turned around and started to charge at us. I looked at Q and said “lets get out of here!!!” As we began running, I glanced behind us and the “lion dog” had hopped over the fence, fangs and all and now was charging at us! We sprinted as fast as we could. Naturally, being slower than Q, I felt like the weaker one that would be first to be taken out. I thought my life was about to end! aloud I yelled “Jesus protect us!” Then, I remembered the sign that I saw at the border that said “beware of dogs! They will bite!!!” At the time I thought nothing of it, but now I know it’s not a matter to be taken lightly. I looked for trees to climb, but there were none. Instead, we plunged into the river. I took a wrong step and fell and hurt my leg. As Q turned back for me, I got up and urged her to keep running. Every man for himself. When we realized the dogs were gone, we quickly got away from there. The entire time these events took place, there were people in the hills laughing at us. It felt like we were in an arena. What a sight, we must have been! We left that day with a story that we would always laugh at.
At training camp one of the big lessons we were taught was “don’t be a dirty idiot.” Pretty much, use your common sense! This was one of those moments we should have exercised that lesson. It was all fun and games until later that day my leg started to hurt until the point I couldn’t walk on my own.
Later that night, as it got worse I remembered the question I had asked the day before: “Where does my strength come from?” I had gotten my answer. “Ok I get it God! It comes from you and you only!!”
The next day we were studying Philippians in our kitchen and one of the questions that came up was “what motivates you?”
At first I couldn’t think of anything other than God, but then I realized that pushing forward to be strong is what motivates me in most circumstances. In physical, emotional, and spiritual situations, I do not like to be weak. Sure I have said that I can only do things with the Lord’s strength before, but I’m not sure if I have ever fully believed that it is from Him alone. Now I can see, looking back, that I haven’t really given up my strength and allowed God to take care of me.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. “2 Corinthians 12:9
This has always been one of my favorite verses, but for the first time I really feel like I can see what it’s asking of me: that I can run my fastest with all my strength and most likely I will still fall because I am weak. If you can remember that quick prayer I said when I was running “Jesus protect us,” that is where you can see His strength and not my own.
Now I find myself at this point of awareness and am unsure what it looks like to surrender my strength and boast in Gods, but I know I want to be dependent on His strength and not my own.
(By the way my leg is almost completely healed now. Praise God!”
