I have made it down the mountain to post some blogs. This month my team, along with two other teams have the privilege to live on top of a mountain outside the city Mbabane. We are working with El Shaddi Ministries, which includes an orphanage. We are very blessed to have comfortable beds, hot showers, and we cook our own meals. Ahh God is so good! I wish I could show you all pictures of our incredible view; hopefully the Internet will cooperate sometime.
There are many tasks that need to be done around the compound, such as chipping paint off walls in the boys dorm, building foundations for the new nursery, farm work (mowing grass with a machete), and helping in the nursery.
This month the Lord has been teaching me to radically listen to Him, no matter the cost. It is terrifying let me tell you! I got so excited to be in the nursery daycare type environment, that is my comfort zone. My hand shot up so fast to sign up. Honestly I have always prided myself with my ability to teach and organize kid programs. I am dang good at it. I see now how this is a problem. After the first day the Lord told me that this month I couldn’t work in the nursery or do the chapel for kids in the afternoon. This left me confused and honestly pissed off. Lord I am good at this, I teach them Bible stories, talk about You, why would you send me to a orphanage and not let me interact with the kids?
Nothing about this made sense.
One thing I haven’t told anyone except the people on my team, and one sneaky squad leader who already knew because the Lord told him, that the Lord has been telling me to worship Him. Worship Him in new ways boldly. One night in-group worship the Lord told me to sing in front of the whole group. I almost threw up on the spot. What do you do when the King of Kings tells you to do something? I did it, it was terrifying. Thought that was it, nope it wasn’t. It is just so happened that this month that the two other teams we are living each have guitar players and we are asked to orchestrate worship on Sundays for church.
That still may not explain why God is telling be to give up working with kids this month. Well it does, He wants me to take a leap of faith and find my identity solely in Him. See I didn’t realize my pride and identity was wrapped up in my ability to teach and take care of them. God showed me that I did all of that on my own strength with out looking to Him for direction. Where was He involved? I thought I could do it all on my own?
Now worship, that requires me to constantly to come before Him every minute because this is not something I am comfortable with. It is something I don’t think I can do in front of people.
What if I am bad? What if I mess up? What if I look horrible in front of people? All those thoughts God is stripping me of. Who am I trying to please? Who am I obeying? That’s right the King of Kings, God of the Universe. Not man.
So this past Sunday I stood up there and sang to my Savior for all to hear. It was still terrifying, yet God calmed my soul and showed me the purpose of this month. Here is the thing, I am under new management. I am not under my own strength or purpose. I take orders from my King, which has the ultimate plan for my life, which is better than I can even imagine. How can I not obey when He asks something of me, not matter how crazy it seems.
