Who ever said emotions where a bad thing. Who said sadness and anger are bad things to feel? Our society sees sadness as a sign of weakness. We think we must control our emotions. Even joy, if some one is overly joyful they are weird, or if they express sadness or become vulnerable they needs to get it together. We tend to push emotions away and not deal with them, or ignore them all together. Society tells us that is expected. That is a lie. We were created perfect, emotions included.
For me sadness or the pain of sadness has been something I have been dealing with. With the death of my mother I have tried to control my emotions and not really allowed myself to even think about her, because when I do I feel so much pain that I can’t bare it. I have a picture I will take out and look at for quick second then push it away so I don’t cry or feel that immense pain that floods my body. Some of you may have things that you can’t even bare to think of sometimes or situations that consume your thoughts once you open the gates of emotion. So it easier not to even go there and keep on living day to day. I have come to realize not just the recent event of my mother passing, there are also other events and situations that I will not even think about to keep my self protected from pain or sadness, or anger. I have suppressed most of my emotions, and I have gotten really really good at it. I have come to learn that by controlling my emotions I have blocked myself off from God’s love. By controlling my emotions I have not even allowed God meet me in those places of sadness and pain. I believe it is that fear of the unknown of that the pain will never go away or being so consumed that I can’t hear God in those moments. Either one is myself controlling the situation, and not letting God get close to me because of my fear. With out even realizing it I have put a wall around myself so that I have not even allowed God to get close. Like some sort of false sense of security, that allows me be strong on my own. Now I have learned, that these emotions are designed to bring me closer to the Father and know Him deeply. He is meeting me in those desperate places and is showing me just how much He loves me, which I was not able to comprehend ever before. I beginning to understand who I am in Christ, and just how great His love for me is. Sadness and pain sucks, but God is greater than any pain and He will meet me every time in those places. He can comfort me like now one ever can.
Slowly I am learning to let go and embrace my feelings that He gives me. He has also shown me how to love in new ways. Before I felt like I was numb to affection or physical touch. I absolutely hated it when people hugged me or I would freak when people got in my personal space. (still working on that) But I can say that God is slowly chipping away the numbness and I am releasing control on my emotions. Now I am not going around and hugging people and skipping in the streets, but I am coming to understand what it means to let go and let God fill my heart with love for others on a deeper level.
I challenge everyone to go ahead and let God meet you in those places that you have feared to go because it hurts to bad. God is always there.
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalms 34:18
For I am you provider and I meet all your needs Matthew 6:31-33
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jer 31:3
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope Jer 29:11
And I rejoice over you with singing Zeph 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you Jer 32:40
For you are my treasured possession Ex 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul Jer 32:41
*He is pursing me daily and showing me just how much He loves me.
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Monique Nicole
