I cried on the way to work today.
I, all alone in my lil’ Ford Fiesta, cried like a baby. I mean, it was ‘ugly crying’ at its best and I didn’t even have a tissue or Wendy’s napkin anywhere in the car to dry my face!
Why was I crying? Because I listened to a story on NPR about how the Albuquerque Police Department has been responding with deadly force to non-threatening situations.
The total injustice in the story just broke my heart….TOTALLY broke my heart! And it reminded me of how I felt after I watched the movie “Fruitvale Station“; I ugly cried for the last 5 minutes and through all the credits. And then I fell on my knees and prayed to God to help people stop with their ignorance, stop with their racism–help ME stop with MY ignorance, MY prejudices, MY stereotypes!! I cried out and repented for how I’d thought ill of people, projected negative assumptions onto them or maybe even said unkind things about them. I watched that movie and was smacked in the face with my own wretchedness. But thank God for grace, right? So I worshiped Him, right there on my living room floor; I worshiped Him, thanked Him, glorified Him and praised Him for loving me in spite of me.
Then I prayed for those killed unjustly: the Trayvons, Jordans, and Oscars of the world. I prayed for their family members and for the perpetrators who killed them. Because all of them–all of us–need prayer because without God, we’re all total screw-ups.
I felt compelled to write my feelings down in my journal because it was such a powerful moment in prayer, supplication and worship.
Below’s an excerpt from what I wrote that night. It’s how I felt this morning and how I hope to feel on World Race. I hope that on the Race I’ll embrace my broken heart because it’ll remind me of how God’s heart is also broken when His children are faced with injustice, pain, and hatred. And I want that; I want my heart to be broken for what breaks God’s heart.
“[I was crying] because God broke my heart. He broke another layer away from my heart. I kept having this run through my head in the moments after the reenactment of Oscar’s death: ‘Break my heart for what breaks yours, God’…I kept trying to pinpoint exactly what it was that had pierced me. The racism? Violence? Abuse of power?…then I realized that it was the hatred. Just the pure hatred that was going on the day Oscar died–the same hatred that flowed when Trayvon died and when Jordan died and so many others. That, I believe, breaks God’s heart. People’s deep-seeded evil + hatred, their refusal of the light and acceptance of the dark is heartbreaking to the Father…
…so how do we love one another? How do we drive out the darkness and overcome hate? It’s only by…reaching for the concerns of God that we can truly live out our lives in the best way possible and love our neighbors. And, to keep with this week’s meditation on 1 John 3:16-19, it’s yet another reminder for me from God that the only life worth pursuing is one that serves God by serving and loving His children.”
—From my journal entry dated 3/7/14
What breaks your heart?
Whether it’s human trafficking, social and/or racial injustice, domestic violence, child abuse, or something else, it’s my prayer that you would wholly embrace your broken heart and let God use that pain to empower you to ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’.
Take a few minutes and listen to “Hosanna” by Hillsong United in the video below. It’s a beautiful cry to God for Him to break our hearts for what breaks His!
