Count it all joy my brothers when you face trials of various kinds.
Joy? More like anxiety. About 2 weeks ago, my race changed. Granted, I let almost everything dramatically change my life. What can I say? I love the stage.
My thoughts were taken captive. How am I so easily excited by something other than Christ? But there is grace. Jenny taught me that the more I understand my depravity, the more I will understand the love of God, and vice versa. The cross builds a beautiful bridge between the two.
I almost tripped up. God has allowed blessings to come into my life. Blessings that could easily turn into disasters if I so desire to make them about my enjoyment. At first, I was mad. Why would God do this? Isn’t He supposed to make my paths straight? Not give me choices and free will … oh.
He’s giving me a choice. Little tests of faith. Why am I surprised by this? Probably because this is the first time I don’t have some sin struggle I won’t give up. I’m completely surrendered to God. The past few weeks have broadened my faith in ways I never thought possible.
Yeah, I thought all these World Race people were nuts, too. Now I’m talking to the Holy Spirit. And He’s answering? Now I’M crazy. My life has changed. I’m a new creation. Old Molly is gone.
I get to obey God with my thoughts and actions. Like the great patriarchs of our faith, I get to wake up and act in FAITH that God knows better than me. I’m shocked by my own heart. Look out friends and family, I’m coming back home a completely new person. God has removed my heart of stone and replaced it with a heart of flesh. He’s using me through healing and new life. I am amazed that He wants to. But He did die for me, so I guess that means He wants me.
I feel like I’m the last person that should be able to say this, but I’m way too excited: I grew up in the strictest home this side of Japan. Rules everywhere. Home, school, church, everywhere. This made my big fat cat of anger growl and snarl at every passerby as I claimed, “I’m not understood or trusted!” Of course, you aren’t. You’re 15! They should not be trusted. I know, because I just got robbed by a 15 year old. They’re crazy.
This ugly and poor attitude carried on through my adult life. Yikes! I let my selfishness take over and became a victim of my twisted truth. I believed my parents took away my one chance of happiness. I couldn’t look past my own fear of no future love to see that they were protecting me. Again, I live for the stage.
All that to say, why the heck should I care about all these rules that are around me? The people that set them up love me. Parents, World Race coaches, second oldest sisters (you know who you are). Their instruction is firm so I won’t be hurt. They are stepping in to teach and to guide me. How can I show them that I love them? By honoring them.
How can I show God I love him? Obey Him. Shocking? Read Psalm 119. Check out the 10 commandments. I can’t even get past the first one without needing to rearrange some stuff.
God has physical blessings, spiritual gifts, emotional health, and mental peace for us when we are abiding in Him. Why would my parents buy me a pony if I continually disobey them? That doesn’t teach me anything.
Why don’t I have peace or wisdom or any spiritual gifts? Maybe because I’m disobeying. I finally gave up some real sh*t in my life a couple weeks ago. And God has already started to bless me. He is taking me seriously. He believes in me. He knows I can do it, even if I doubt it.
I used to see myself as someone that would have to fake loving God because I didn’t truly know Him. Who am I now? I am a woman of God. Hear me ROAR. I refuse to not fight for my faith anymore. It is such a good, good fight.
Eternal life doesn’t start when I die. I’m living in it now. When we get to heaven, there will be no temptation or sin. There, it’s gonna be easy to obey God. Here? I have to show Him now how much I love Him before I run out of time. How beautiful when we choose God over our greatest earthly desires.
I’m done living the boring life of serving myself. I’m apart of a family. A church. A kingdom. I am a co-heir with Christ. I’m gonna start acting like it.
Oh, I’m also in Kyrgyzstan. And this blog is therapy for me.
Join me in asking God to reveal something new to you today! You can ask Him if there’s anything you need to give to Him. You can even ask Him how much He loves you. Just ask. But then listen.
