I got an answer today regarding my future, and it wasn’t the answer I wanted, but I thanked God still. Well, actually, I called my mom, cried and then when the dust settled I thanked the lord. I heard a song recently that said “although I had no right to ask, my God knelt and answered me,” and I think through the frustration, simply getting an answer of complete clarity was what I asked for. He knelt and answered me.
I hear the verse Jeremiah 29:11 all the time, “I know the plans I have for you declares the lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” This concept has been warped in my mind. The Lord’s plans to prosper me and not to harm me were based on the hope that they would align with my own plans. I had traded peace for a plan, simply because I wanted to force what was next. I so desperately want to plot out my next steps for what I’ll do after the race and have it all figured out but God has been showing me another way.
If you keep reading after verse 11 of that same verse you’ll see the rest of the picture, “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” So many times I get caught up on the plan and not the God behind it. A plan is so easy to grasp and to seek after but that’s not what Jesus asks us to do. He says to come and seek HIM and not the plan. The plan is just an added bonus, nothing to seek after, nothing to worry or fret over. Writing this is painful, my head knows this but my heart isn’t completely on board. Calling my parents this morning I told them “I feel like I’m running off a cliff 100 miles an hour, I can see the edge of the cliff and God tells me to keep running,” this is what it feels like right now. I have no clue what the future holds, what’s next, but Abbas been telling me to just keep running. I’m asking for prayer, for my heart to know what is true and to be able to desperately seek after and find Him in all of this.
