On the race, at some point you're going to want to just stop moving. You're going to come to a point where packing your backpack at least every 3 weeks is going to become so frustrating. You are going to crave permanence. The goodbyes only get harder as you go along and you just don't want to do them anymore. You're going to want to stay somewhere and not leave. Sometimes I think that I wasn't created to say goodbyes like this. Sometimes I think that my heart can't handle another on.
My feelings like this started back in Ukraine. I knew I was getting tired of moving around all the time, but I knew that's what I signed up for so I couldn't complain. I was tired of saying goodbye. I was just plain tired. And this month in Cape Town hasn't made those feeling go away. It's really only gotten worse.
This month has been absolutely amazing. Not only has God shown up and provided for me and my team in some big ways, He has place the most amazing God-filled and loving people in front of me. People who I have come to love so dearly.
We've been involved with The People's Church in Sun Valley and we've connected with their young adults group as well. So this month, unlike the rest of the World Race, I can see myself doing life with these people. I can see myself opening a bakery down town, or in Muizenberg, or in Kalk Bay. I can see myself raising a family here. So knowing that in just a couple of days I have to pack up my stuff and move is really hard. I want friendships to grow and not get cut short. I don' want any more temporary. I want permanent.
When I get in low places like this I usually can't pull myself out of it because I'm so focused on how sad I am. I put blinders on my eyes and only see what I want to see and hear what I want to hear.
Just the other night I was sharing at church and telling everyone about how I came on the race. I told them that God basically has to use one of those huge, neon, blinking signs to speak to me because I'm so stubborn. I told them about sitting at a Bible Study watching a video about a world racer who was pretty much at death's door. I told them about the song "I will follow You" by Chris Tomlin that was playing as I watched pictures of this man and his journey.
I told them that's when I knew.
The next day we went to ministry at Red Hill and helped out with their Holiday Club. Right from the beginning all I could think about was that I was going to have to leave this place too. As I sat and watched the kids run and play that exact same song came on and the children began to sing it.
"Where You go, I'll go.
Where You stay, I'll stay.
Where You move, I'll move.
I will follow You."
As I tried to fight back the tears, I was filled with so much emotion as I listened to these kids sing every single word.
I listened to them sing every words of the song that brought me to this journey.
And I knew it was my reminder.
I still have 5 months of this journey and God still has so much that He wants to show me.
It's still going to be hard leaving this place and these people that I love so much, but God has this amazing way of reminding me that He didn't bring me here to do it half way. I'm in it for all of it.
The people of Cape Town will forever have a place in my heart, and I hope the God brings me back here one day.
But right now I have to finish the journey He has me on.
Because I know that there's no much more I need to learn.
