We all have struggles. We are all human.
Sometimes our struggles become unbearable and we're not sure where to go next.
Sometimes the voices in your head that you hear constantly become unbearable.
And sometimes those voices that sound an awful lot like yours…..aren't.
Satan is all about being subtle. He doesn't want to be recognized. He wants to make you think that his voice is yours.
Self-negativity.
Negative thoughts about myself is definitely something that I struggle with, and it seems to magnify itself when I'm in a large group of people….(ahem……debrief.)
I'm perfectly fine during the month with my team. I know I can be myself around them and I'm super comfortable with them.
I'm currently at debrief. And I'm struggling a bit.
I see a lot of friendships.
I see a lot of love.
I see a lot of wanting to be noticed.
I see a lot of striving.
I'm usually not one to fight for attention. I'm okay if you don't like me and I'm okay if you do. And I'm okay with who I am……most of the time. But as soon as I'm thrown into this large group of people at the end of every month I start telling myself that I need to be better. I tell myself that I'm not good enough. I brush off the compliments and the positive words people give me and I don't believe them.
Why?
The enemy is well aware of my struggles. Probably a little more aware of them than I am even. And he doesn't want me to succeed in doing God's work here. He wants me to sit in my pity and my sorrow. He knows how to attack me. So I hear things in the voice that sounds mine. I hear things like this:
"Molly…..you're such a loner."
"Molly, why don't you have more friends?"
"You know that no one really likes you, right?"
"If people liked you, you would have people to hang out with all the time and you would never be by yourself, but look at you….you're by yourself all the time. People are going to think that you're weird or something" (…that one is pretty specific…)
"You're not outgoing enough."
"Molly….something is wrong with you."
So what do you do when you hear these things?
You tell him to shut up.
You tell him that those things aren't true.
You tell him that he cannot say those things about you.
You tell him who you belong to.
You tell him who your Father is.
Debriefs are probably always going to be hard for me. Large groups of people are probably always going to be hard for me. But I have to speak truth over myself. I can't listen to those lies in my head. I can't give in to the enemy. Because that's exactly what he wants.
And you can't either. You just have to tell him to shut up.
