So. Coming on the race I knew there were “debriefs”, a week or so every couple of months where our squad coaches come to see us. I really had no idea what they were for.
To check up on us?
To make sure we’re doing ministry the right way?
To make sure we’re doing feedback right?
So when we arrived at our hostel in Lima, I didn’t know what to except.
We had some teachings and meetings. Our team met with the squad leaders and coaches to sit down and discuss how well our group was working together. This intimidated me a little bit. I’ve always figured when people sit you down like that they’re going to tell you something you’re doing wrong and how you need to fix it. But it wasn’t like that. Our team isn’t perfect, just like every other World Race team. Never once did I feel like they were pointing fingers. Never once was there a harsh tone. So I realized that these people care about us. They care about our personal growth. They care about what we’re thinking and feeling. They care about how our team is doing as a whole and want the absolute best for us. I came out of our team debrief feeling refreshed and ready for the next month.
Later that night we had a teaching session and Randy announced that he and Betsy were going to have some one-on-ones. They couldn’t fit everyone so they really prayed about who they should sit down and talk to and who they needed to make wait. So he announced the schedule and my name was called for 9:30 with Betsy at the gelato place down the street.
Oh goodness.
What is it I’m doing wrong?
Do they think I’m too wounded to do this?
Am I too wounded to do this?
So needless to say my meeting was on my mind for the next 12 hours. Once again, that fear of being told I’m not doing something right and that I need to change ran across my mind.
So 9:30 came and I sat across from Betsy at the cute little gelato place. I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know what to ask or say. I was clueless. She told me we could sit and talk about tattoos for half an hour if we wanted to, but I didn’t want to talk about that.
So I started on how I felt with my team. The boundaries I’ve set and why I’ve set them. Basically, I told her how I felt about some people and what I was doing with those feelings. And I told her a little about my past.
I kept waiting for her to stop me and tell me that I was doing it all wrong; for her to stop and give me some suggestions. But she never did.
She told me that I’m a very smart girl and the boundaries I’ve set are healthy.
Wait, what?
Yea. So twice the past couple days I’ve put negative expectation on situations and have been wrong. I’ve expected the worst and got the opposite. Why is that?
It’s because I have scars. We all do.
We have past experiences that have told us to expect negative things.
We’ve been hurt by people so we think that everyone is going to hurt us.
People have pointed their fingers at us so we think everyone is point fingers.
We’ve had not so good things happen so we expect that all the time.
But we don’t go through those things so we can have negative expectations for everything so we don’t get disappointed ever.
God uses those things to grow us.
To build us.
To mold us.
To better us.
God uses all those things. Even the things you think nothing good can come from.
Betsy left me with a lyric from a song writer, Sara Groves.
“Less like scars, and more like character.”
I went back to the hostel and immediately looked up the song on iTunes. The genre of music is not my favorite, but I couldn’t help but have the chills listening to the lyrics of the whole entire song.
So I wanted to share it with you. To remind you that God uses those bad things in your life to build you up.
